I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,124

a minor when our parents died. I wasn’t.

After that, we no longer had the relationship where she would try on my clothes and we’d spend hours watching movies. It became about homework, bills, laundry, and making sure she wasn’t cutting class. I don’t resent it. I would do it all over again. But it didn’t mean I liked the way it changed the dichotomy of our relationship.

“I know I’m not Mom. Believe me, I know.”

She’s used every opportunity to wield that sword at me, and it cuts deep each time, leaving wounds that aren’t superficial.

“Then stop treating me like your kid and treat me like your sister. I don’t know how much time I have left, and I would like to have our relationship be different.”

Tears fill my vision as she brings forth the truth of what time we have. Brody clears his throat and touches Steph’s arm. “I’m going to grab some coffee. See you later, Squirt.”

She fumes at his nickname and turns her head away.

I take Stephanie’s hand in mine. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“I ruin everything!” She bursts out and pulls her hand free from my grasp so she can cover her face.

“Why would you say that?”

“Because! I do!” Steph turns a little and a tear falls. “I know I’m the reason Matt left.”

“Steph—”

“No, I know.” She wipes the tear away and draws a long breath. “I hate that my illness brought you pain. You didn’t need that.”

My heart pounds in my chest, and I’m doing my best to stay strong. The fact that she thinks she’s responsible for Matt’s crappy decision is unreal. It isn’t her fault he wasn’t man enough—it’s his.

I open my mouth to dispute her, but she puts her hand to my lips.

“I’m not done. It’s been hard watching you scrimp and save because I can’t work. There’s nothing you wouldn’t and don’t do for me, and I love you so much. However, it doesn’t mean you can’t live, Heather. Jesus, live because I can’t.” Stephanie’s voice is strangled on her last word. The tears I was trying to keep at bay fall. I pull my baby sister into my arms and hold her to my chest. “I can’t live, but you can . . . and you should,” she says as both of us fall apart a little.

I grasp her face and pull her so we’re eye to eye. “You’re living now, Steph.”

“This isn’t living. This is waiting to die.”

The words I want to say all feel wrong. She has every right to be angry, sad, and anything else she grapples with. Her life was stripped from her in a way that took our world and knocked it over. There was no warning or planning for this disease.

Instead of demeaning her feelings, I hug her tighter and let her cry.

After a few minutes, she calms and leans back. “You okay?” I ask.

“No, but I feel a little better.”

“You don’t have to hide your hurt from me,” I remind her. “I’m always here for you.”

Stephanie nods. “I know, but I miss my sister. I want to know when you do dumb things, and I sure as hell want to know when you meet some famous person.”

I groan, and my head falls back. “Fine. I’ll tell you all about it, but it’s so much more than meeting him.”

“Oh. My. God. Tell me you actually hooked up with him!”

There’s no way I’m getting out of this, and the joy that she has right now will be worth all my embarrassment.

I shift a little, trying to relax for this awkward confession. “I did. Get comfortable because I spent the other night being completely irresponsible.”

“Finally!”

Chapter 7

Eli

“Let me get this straight, you slept with her, she ran off, you see her again, and she walks away—again?” Randy asks with a shit-eating grin. “Man, you really have the touch.”

I regret coming here. After my run-in with Heather, I took a drive to Sanibel Island where Randy lives. I don’t know why I thought it was going to help me in some way. I should’ve known my brother and sister-in-law would be all too happy about this story.

I’ll get her, though.

It’s just going to take some finesse and a lot of patience. Plus, I still have the ace up my sleeve.

“Yup. It was fucking unbelievable.”

“You got out of the bathroom, and she was . . . gone?” Randy keeps pushing as he laughs.

“It was ridiculous. I couldn’t find her, and then realized she took off. Who the fuck does