I Have Lived and I Have Loved - Willow Winters Page 0,106

than my sister, they’re the only family I have.

“How’s Steph feeling?” Danielle asks.

“She’s doing good, I think. I’m waiting for her to call me.” It’s so sweet how Danielle always asks about Stephanie.

“I’m glad she’s doing okay.” She smiles.

“Yeah, she should’ve called though. I should probably give her a call . . .”

Danni grabs my hand, stopping me from going for my phone. “I’m sure her nurse would let you know if there were something wrong.”

She’s right, but the worrier in me can’t help myself. I’ve spent what feels like my entire life making decisions around Stephanie. I don’t take any chances when it comes to her.

“I’m just going to check,” I explain as I grab my phone from my bra.

Danielle laughs. “I should’ve known better than to try to stop you.”

There are no missed calls or texts.

Breathe. I’m sure she’s fine, don’t overreact.

I send a quick text because I’ll never let it go.

Me: Hey, you okay? I haven’t heard from you today.

She answers right back.

Stephanie: Yes, Mother.

Brat.

Me: Have you had any more tremors?

My sister suffers from Huntington’s disease. She was diagnosed at nineteen, and it took her independence before she even had time to enjoy it. I tried to care for her. I did everything I could to keep her with me, but when she started suffering from relapsing paralysis and struggling to speak, we knew it was beyond my capability.

Watching your twenty-six-year-old sister battle with early onset dementia is devastating. The last few weeks have been good, though. She’s been cognitive, alert, and even happy. Her symptoms are sometimes so mild that I forget how sick she is, but then the disease rears its ugly face again and there’s no forgetting.

Stephanie: Nope. And aren’t you out with the girls? Go have some fun, Heather. Tell them I said hi!

“Is Steph okay?” Nicole asks when she sees me typing away.

“She’s fine. I mean, you know . . .” My mood drops immediately as I think about how she’ll never experience this. Danielle touches my arm, and I force myself to smile. “She says hi.”

“Give her our love,” Kristin replies. I type out their message and tell her I love her before tucking my phone away again.

“Okay!” Nicole exclaims. “Let’s go see these amazing seats that our super-fan Kristin scored us.”

Kristin gives Nic the stink eye, which would be way more effective if she weren’t in their fan club. Yup, my thirty-eight-year-old best friend is in a fan club for Four Blocks Down. I’m positive she regretted telling us this piece of information, but it landed us front row seats, so we haven’t been too hard on her . . . yet.

“You can sit in the nose bleeds if you want.”

Nicole wraps her arm around her shoulder. “You love me too much to deprive me of Randy.” She lets out a dreamy sigh.

I laugh. “As if you’ll ever going to get that close to him. And he’s married!”

I try to put Stephanie in the back of my mind. My sister’s illness is ripping me apart. I wish I could help her, but I can’t control any of it. It makes me feel helpless all the time.

Stephanie grew up listening to me blare the music and dance around like a loon, and instead, she’s stuck in a damn assisted living facility while I’m out. It isn’t fair. None of this is fair. She should be here with me.

“Hey,” Danni nudges me. “You look beautiful.”

I give her a small smile. “Thanks.” I’m no longer feeling carefree. I can’t stop thinking about how much I wish I could be doing this with her.

“I’m sorry.” Her smile falls slightly.

“For what?”

She shrugs. “I made reality come crashing into our big fun night of no worries.”

“Stop! Don’t feel that way.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder. “My reality never leaves me. My sister is dying. It’s just the way it is.”

Danielle’s smile falls completely now. “I’m so, so sorry, Heather.”

I know she didn’t mean to bring me down. I wish I could be more like Nicole. No responsibilities, sex with random strangers, nothing to worry about . . . but that isn’t how my life goes.

Nope. Mine is a series of tragedies. While my friends were partying in college, I was working full time. My nights and weekends weren’t filled with formals or trips to the beach, they were consumed by doing homework with Steph. I’m not bitter. I’m actually grateful in some ways. It forced me to cherish life and the people in it.