Before I Fall Page 0,146
any space between heartbeats.
“The secret is,” I say, whispering right into his ear, “that yours was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life.”
He pulls back a little so that he can look at me, but our lips are still just inches away. I can’t make out his expression in the dark, but I can tell that his eyes are searching my face again.
“But I’ve never kissed you,” he whispers back. Around us the rain sounds like falling glass. “Not since third grade, anyway.”
I smile, but I’m not sure if he can see it. “Better get started, then,” I say, “because I don’t have much time.”
He pauses for only a fraction of a second. Then he leans forward and presses his lips to mine, and the whole world powers off, the moon and the rain and the sky and the streets, and it’s just the two of us in the dark, alive, alive, alive.
I don’t know how long we’re kissing. It seems like hours, but somehow when he pulls away, breathing hard, both hands holding my face, the clock glowing dully on the dashboard has only inched forward a few minutes.
“Wow,” he says. I can feel his chest rising and falling quickly. We’re both out of breath. “What was that for?”
I force myself to pull away, find the handle in the dark and pop the door open. The cold air and the rain whooshes in, helping me think. I suck in a deep breath. “For the ride and everything.”
Even in the dark I can see his eyes sparkling like a cat’s. I can hardly bring myself to look away. “You really saved my life tonight,” I say, my little joke, and then before he can stop me, and even though he calls my name, I jump out of the car and jog along the driveway toward the house, for the very last party of my life.
“You made it!” Lindsay squeals when I find her in the back room. As always the music and heat and smoke is impassable, a wall of people, perfume, and sound. “I totally thought you would flake.”
“I knew you’d show,” Ally says, reaching out and squeezing one of my hands. She drops her voice, which at this volume means she screams a little quieter. “Did you see Rob?”
“I think he’s avoiding me,” I say, which is true. Thank God.
Lindsay twists around, calling for Elody—“Look who decided to grace us with her presence!” she screams, and Elody scans our faces before registering that I haven’t been at the party the whole time—and then turns to me, slipping her arm around my shoulders. “Now it’s officially a party. Al, give Sam a shot.”
“No, thanks.” I wave away the bottle she offers me. I flip open my cell phone. Eleven thirty. “Actually, um, I think I’m going to go downstairs for a bit. Maybe outside. It’s really hot up here.”
Lindsay and Ally exchange a glance.
“You just came from outside,” Lindsay says. “You just got here. Like five seconds ago.”
“I was looking around for you guys for a while.” I know I sound lame, but I also know that I can’t explain.
Lindsay crosses her arms. “Uh-uh, no way. Something’s going on with you, and you’re going to tell us what it is.”
“You’ve been acting weird all day.” Ally bobbles her head.
“Did Lindsay tell you to say that?” I ask.
“Who’s been acting weird?” Elody’s just made her way over to us.
“Me, apparently,” I say.
“Oh, yeah.” Elody nods. “Definitely.”
“Lindsay didn’t tell me to say anything.” Ally puffs up her chest, getting offended. “It’s obvious.”
“We’re your best friends,” Lindsay says. “We know you.”
I press my fingers against my temples, trying to block out the throbbing sounds of the music, and close my eyes. When I open them again, Elody, Ally, and Lindsay are all staring at me suspiciously.
“I’m fine, okay?” I’m desperate to prevent a long conversation—or worse, a fight. “Trust me. It’s just been a weird week.” Understatement of the year.
“We’re worried about you, Sam,” Lindsay says. “You’re not acting like yourself.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” I say, and when they stare at me blankly, I sigh, leaning forward to wrestle them all into a group hug.
Elody squeals and giggles, “PDA much?” and Lindsay and Ally seem to relax too.
“I promise nothing’s the matter,” I say, which isn’t exactly true, but I figure it’s the best thing to say. “Best friends forever, right?”
“And no secrets.” Lindsay stares pointedly at me.
“And no bullshit,” Elody trumpets, which isn’t part of our little routine,