Hush - Anne Malcom Page 0,68

raped me, I can’t help but still blame you. I can’t help but look at you and see them. I hate you a little bit, Maddox. And that’s hurtful, and it’s ugly. But ugliness is all I know now.” She paused. “Ugliness is all I am. And it’s all I’ll ever be.”

She should’ve gotten out of the car right then. Should’ve made that the note she left on. But she didn’t.

“I don’t need you to be pretty, Orion,” he said softly. “I just need you to be you. To hurt, and cry, and ask God, and me, and the whole fucking world, ‘Why? Why weren’t you there? Why didn’t you find me? Why does this keep happening to little girls?’ I want to hear it all, and take it all, because, despite what you think, I can handle ugly, and I can handle the anger and the resentment. I can take it. And Lord knows I deserve it. I’ve blamed myself every single day since I let you leave my house alone. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it.” He took a sharp breath, his look intense, brooding. “Now, would you please let me walk you to your fucking door?”

Going against her better instincts, she did let him walk her to her fucking door.

Thirteen

One Week Later

“Jac?” Orion called, unlocking the door after about five minutes of pounding from the outside. She figured that Jaclyn was either sleeping or had her TV up so loud that she couldn’t hear the knocking. It was the new norm.

She had solidified a routine of eating all the foods that had come out in the past decades, all the TV shows recorded, songs released. Jaclyn was on some kind of mission to replace all her memories of The Cell, to sate her hunger throughout the years.

Orion had made sure she visited every few days because she wasn’t convinced that Jaclyn wasn’t going slowly insane. She was worried about her. The visits did not betray this, of course. She came to join her in a meal, a movie, sometimes video games, neither of them mentioning the conversation they’d had about revenge. About Doctor Bob Collins. It was like it never happened.

Neither of them were very good at talking about their feelings anyway. Not Jaclyn or Orion, at least. Shelby seemed to be better than all of them, checking in daily with texts, fucking inspirational quotes. The one part of their little threesome Orion was so sure would be wearing a straight-jacket and living in a padded room was faring better than they were.

It became too hard to try to keep up with Shelby, put on an act for her. Put on that fucking ankle chain every time she spoke to her.

So, they started to talk less and less, all three of them. Drifted apart. Orion couldn’t have expected they would stay in contact forever. They were connected by an invisible chain that would never be broken and would trail after them everywhere they went and everywhere they’d ever go, but that didn’t mean talking to each other didn’t make the chain rattle a little bit louder, make the pain hurt a little bit worse.

Shelby’s family lived two hours outside of the city. None of them had driver’s licenses yet, but Shelby’s father was teaching her. Orion didn’t know how well that was going.

Neither Jaclyn nor Orion had someone to teach them.

Being in the car with April had told Orion everything she needed to know about her skills as a driver. As it was, she was almost certain April had managed to talk her way into the license, because there was no way her driving skills got her there. Maybe she flashed some cleavage and dished out some compliments.

Unless she wanted to rely on someone else to drive her, Orion couldn’t go visit Shelby. And she didn’t want to. That trip with Maddox had been a one-off, total desperation type of situation. He was not her chauffeur. He was not her anything.

Shelby’s parents had seemed nice enough, but they made it as clear as they could that they did not want to be around Jaclyn and Orion. In their eyes, Shelby was still their innocent little girl, and they didn’t want her corrupted.

Or maybe they just wanted to rid themselves of all the reminders of what Shelby had been through, what she still carried with her.

Orion understood that. If she could give herself a lobotomy, she would.

Orion had tried