“They tested me for that and thought I might be in the higher-functioning range of the autism spectrum, but the tests were all in the normal range.” He sat down on the bottom step. “My mother tried to diagnose me with her own psych tests and finally decided I’m socially challenged. Daddy said I was just lazy. Mother said I could overcome it with lots of therapy.”
“Mother has always said that I’m antisocial and basically that I can’t take care of myself,” Emma blurted out and wished she could take the words back. She didn’t talk to very many people, most especially to a man she didn’t even know, and she surely didn’t tell anyone personal things like that, but there was something about Josh that she kind of trusted.
Josh chuckled. “Well, I’m that, too. Probably the reason I’m uptight tonight is that Arty and I are going to the store tomorrow. I hate to leave the trailer park, but Arty is right. I need to face my fears at least once a week.”
“I’m afraid of men.” Emma’s voice seemed to have a mind of its own.
“I’m uncomfortable around men and women,” Josh admitted.
“Why?” Emma asked. This wasn’t a contest between them.
“I’m afraid they’ll make fun of me, like the kids did when I went to public school. My folks finally hired a tutor and I finished my schooling at home.” He didn’t look at her but at the porch floor.
“I had the exact same life, but Sophie is helping me to be strong. We probably both should tell folks to go to hell if they don’t like us.” A surge of protectiveness shot through her. She had always wished she had the courage to say those words to the kids who bullied her because she was so shy, or better yet, to her mother.
“Aw.” Josh grinned. “I can’t do that. It just ain’t in me. Accepting who I am has been one of the good things about living out here in the boonies.”
“I hope that I can do the same thing someday.” Emma’s tone sounded wistful even to her own ears. “I sure like it here. There’s something eerily peaceful about this place, even at night.”
“Does the dark bother you?” Josh asked.
“Maybe,” she answered. “How about you?”
“I love the night. When I was a little boy, I used to crawl out on the porch roof and pretend that I was the only one in the whole world. Just me and the moon and the stars,” Josh answered. “No one was ever mean to me in the night.”
Emma couldn’t agree with him there. Whatever had terrified her had happened at night. Even though Victoria scolded her for being a big baby, she still had to have a night-light or she couldn’t sleep at all.
“I should be going. Nice visitin’ with you.” Josh stood up and waved over his shoulder as he disappeared into the darkness.
Whatever I don’t want to remember happened at night, and it had to do with a man and satin sheets. She rubbed Coco’s fur from her head to the end of her long, fluffy tail. I know that much, but the rest is a mystery. Josh is a nice person. I’m not afraid of him, but maybe my fear of men has been because I was assaulted.
The cat purred loudly, then jumped down off her lap and ran in the same direction that Josh had gone. Emma stood up, went back inside, put on her jeans with the borrowed nightshirt she was wearing for the second night, and shoved her feet down into the cowboy boots beside her bed. Courage. That’s what the quote on the wall said. If she couldn’t sleep, she’d see if Josh’s remedy to take a walk in the night would help. She made it to the bottom step before she lost her courage and turned around to go back to her chair.
Then Josh appeared out of the darkness again. “I didn’t go far, but I’m not ready to turn in just yet. Want to stretch your legs a little bit?”
“Maybe,” she said. “I don’t know. Probably not.”
“How about just once around the trailer park? That might help and you won’t be more than a stone’s throw from your own place,” he suggested. “I’ll be glad to go with you.”
You are strong. You can make your own decisions. Sophie’s voice was clear even if it was just in her head. Josh seemed like a nice person, but the thought of leaving