Sophie had only had a couple of moments like this before, but they were nothing compared to how she had felt when it finally sank in that she was truly a success, and then when she’d been fighting with Teddy over such a silly thing. He just wanted to surprise her and make her happy, and now she had probably ruined everything between them.
Emma deserved to know why she was acting like this, but she didn’t want her to think she was downright crazy, and yet she had to get it off her chest. She had to say the words again, even if they drove her into an even deeper depression.
Finally, she blurted out, “I lost a baby about the same time you were raped. I didn’t know the man was married when I slept with him. I didn’t want to be pregnant, and I hated the idea of giving up my dreams to raise a child by myself. I’ve felt guilty as hell since I miscarried. Sometimes I wish I could have repressed the memories like you did, because I’ve always felt like my negative feelings caused that baby to die. For the past seventeen years, I’ve seen my child in every kid that would have been her age. Would she look like the little girl in the mall? Would she be a petulant teenager now? Then I think, would my mother be disappointed in me for being so reckless, and with a married man at that? My baby would be alive if I hadn’t hated her so much.”
Emma pulled onto the gravel area beside the road and turned off the engine. She unfastened her seat belt, threw open the door, and ran around the SUV as fast as she could. Sophie’s head was in her hands and she was sobbing when Emma opened the passenger door and reached across her to undo her seat belt. With an arm around her shoulders, Emma guided her out of the vehicle. Together, they slumped down on the gravel side by side.
“I didn’t mean to blurt that all out.” Sophie continued to weep. “I shouldn’t be happy now when I didn’t even want my own child. Teddy wants a family, and I would be a terrible mother. I’m no better than Victoria. She didn’t want you, and look how that worked out.”
“Shh, don’t cry.” Emma wiped her own tears with the back of her hand. “I’ve had the same worries. What if I find someone wonderful and he wants children? What if I’m no good as a mother? At least you had Rebel, and you know how to be a good mother.”
A car parked behind their SUV and an elderly guy with gray hair and a beard halfway to his waist got out. “Are you ladies all right?” he asked. “Do you need help?”
“We’re fine,” Emma said, “but thank you.”
“I can call the park ranger if you’re sick,” he offered.
“No, we’re fine, honest,” Emma told him.
“All right, then.” He nodded. “Y’all have a good day.”
“Yes, sir.” Emma tried to smile, but it didn’t work. “You too.”
Sophie pushed her tangled blonde hair away from her wet cheeks. “He must think we’re a couple of crazies, sitting in the gravel like this.”
“Well, you do look a little insane. Your hair is a fright. You’re not wearing a bra, and those paint-stained pajama pants aren’t exactly in vogue right now.” Emma threw an arm around Sophie’s shoulders and hugged her tightly. “Do you really give a rat’s tiny butt what anyone thinks of us anyway?”
“Not really,” Sophie answered.
“That goes to prove we aren’t either one like Victoria, now doesn’t it? We’re both going to be fantastic mothers if we have kids,” Emma assured her.
“Promise?” Sophie hiccuped.
Emma held up her little finger. “I pinkie promise, and if I see you doing something stupid like not letting your kid go to public school, I’ll whip your ass.”
Sophie locked her little finger with Emma’s. “Why would I do that?”
“Oh. My. Gosh!” Emma untangled her pinkie finger from Sophie’s.
“What? Is it a snake?” Sophie began to scan the ground. “Or a scorpion?”
“No.” Emma shook her head. “Where would my children go to school if I never intend to move away from the trailer park?”
Sophie giggled and then chuckled and then broke into guffaws.
“What’s so funny?” Emma asked.
“We’re talking about my guilt and me being a horrible mother, and you—” She wiped her eyes and got the hiccups. “You are suddenly worried about where