have been friends with Kate and the rest of them, and would never have paid me any attention. When I’d thought about that, I’d asked her mum if she really thought Audrey wanted me to come round and visit, or if she just felt sorry for me.
‘Oh, no,’ she’d replied. ‘Please don’t stop coming. Audrey’s completely in awe of you. She says you’re the bravest and strongest person she knows.’
‘Audrey’s not too bad,’ I said to Sam. ‘She was even dressed today. I’m hoping she’ll want to come out of the house soon.’
‘That’s good news. Has she said any more about what happened?’
She had told me some of it. I knew Sam wouldn’t print anything about it unless he had permission to do so, although he was desperate to do it. It was almost as though he wanted to take his revenge on Colin using the best method at his disposal. But he was silenced by his own moral code, and by the fact that printing the details of Audrey’s captivity would prejudice a future trial.
‘She’s getting there. She needs time.’
He had tried to do whatever it was he did to me – hypnotise her, brainwash her, whatever it was – but it hadn’t worked, he’d had no mental control over her and so he had kept her locked up. She’d felt as though she was being disposed of. She had been afraid of closing her eyes and sleeping, in case she woke up to find him there. Or in case she never woke up at all.
Sam drank his cappuccino, recognising that I wasn’t going to say more. ‘So, when they ring you, is that the end of it?’
‘I guess so. Either I get the boot, or I go back to work.’
‘Well, at least it means you can come on holiday with us. If you’re back at work tomorrow you can put in a leave request, can’t you?’
He’d been pressing me on this for the last fortnight. They were going to stay in a cottage in Devon for a week over the Christmas period, booked last year. Only two bedrooms, but Sam was going to sleep on the sofa if I came along. I needed a holiday, Irene insisted.
What I need is to go home and start sorting out my life, I thought.
‘I really don’t think I can come with you,’ I said. ‘It’s a very kind offer. But I have so much I need to do. And I can’t leave Audrey.’
‘As you said, she’s getting better. One week won’t make a difference. Everything you need to do will all still be here when we get back.’
We needed to have that conversation, the one that had been hanging over us ever since he’d arranged my move into the spare room. I’d been putting it off and hoping the problem would go away, but it was getting worse.
‘Sam,’ I began. God, this was awkward. ‘I don’t really understand. I just don’t know… what it is you want from me?’
‘I don’t want anything,’ he said, cheerfully.
‘I mean – I don’t know. We’re friends, right?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Nothing else? I just – it feels weird that I moved into your house. And now going on holiday with you. I’m no good at all this stuff; I never really understand people’s motives. And I’d really hate for you to be… you know… expecting…’
‘I’m not expecting anything, he said. ‘And it’s not weird that you moved in. We invited you, didn’t we? It’s what friends do – help each other out.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. I was feeling hot all of a sudden. The fact that he was so disarmingly relaxed was making it far more difficult even than I’d imagined it might be.
‘You don’t need to be,’ he said.
‘Are you gay?’ I said quickly. ‘I mean, not that you have to be gay not to be interested in me, far from it, I mean why would you be interested in me, after all? I’m twelve years older than you at least and… well…’ I looked down at myself as though that made the point.
Sam’s gulp of coffee had gone down the wrong way. When he recovered, he stared into the dregs of his cup intently, as though the answer lay in the foam.
‘I’m not gay.’ He was smiling, trying not to laugh. ‘I’m just happily single right now, is that OK?’
There was a momentary pause. I sipped my tea. This wasn’t going very well. I was just working up to another apology when he surprised me.