How To Wife Your Nanny A Billionaire Single Dad Romantic Comedy- Melinda Minx Page 0,14
I asked.
She shook her head. “No, Mr. Piggy, you volunteered.”
I said “oink,” again, but this time I let it go through my nose a little bit. A few kids chuckled, but most just looked bored.
“Mr. Piggy is hungry!” the fat kid said. “You’ve gotta eat, Mr. Piggy.”
“How does a piggy eat?” I asked.
“piggys can’t stand up on two legs!” A girl shouted.
I’d seen plenty of Big Bad Wolf cartoons that showed the three little pigs walking around on two legs, but being a single Father had taught me many valuable lessons. One of which was that you never won an argument vs. a 3- or 4-year-old.
I got down on my knees. I tried not to think about how dirty this carpet was. I knew places like this might steam clean the carpets once a year, and half-ass sweep them up every night. Still, this was the kids’ section of the library, there were probably more spilled Goldfish crumbs and juicebox liquid than there was carpet fiber.
“Oink oink,” I said, now on my knees. Then I snorted for good measure.
Finally they laughed.
I snorted louder.
“Wasn’t Mr. Piggy hungry?” Lacey shouted from above me. “He needs to eat!”
“Yeah!” the fat kid shouted. “Mr. Piggy’s hungry!”
“What does a pig eat out of, everyone?” Lacey asked. “Do you remember that word?”
“A trough!” one of the older kids shouted.
“You heard them,” Lacey said.
“It’s just a pretend trough,” I said to her. “A pretend trough isn’t going to humiliate me.”
“It’s going to show me that you’re sorry,” she said, and there was a devilish spark in her eye, and then she finally smiled at me.
It wasn’t the circumstances I’d wanted for her forgiving me, but at this point I’d take anything.
“Alright,” I said, “Mr. Piggy’s hungry, and this trough is full of pig food!”
“It’s called slop!” the fat kid shouted at me.
It figured he’d know that.
“Slop, yum yum,” I said, and snorted again.
I dove my head down into the pretend trough and pretend slop, and I made some overly enthusiastic and disgusting eating sounds. I’d thankfully never been—and never planned to be—near a real life pig that was eating, but I did my best to mimic what I thought that would sound like.
The kids laughed, a lot harder than they laughed when Lacey did it. Probably seeing a stuck-up looking guy like me in a fancy suit doing this was just inherently funnier to them. My tie was hanging down and halfway on the carpet. When I figured I’d eaten enough slop out of my trough, I pulled my head back up and gave one last good snort. I pretended to wipe my mouth off with my sleeve, and then I stood back up.
Most of the kids were laughing now. Naomi especially looked quite satisfied with the whole thing.
I pulled the mask off as fast as I could, hoping that would send the signal to the kids that Mr. Piggy had left the building. I was worried they’d think of a bunch of other funny things a pig could do, and it was best to squash those dreams as fast as I could.
When I turned back to see Lacey, she was still smiling, and this time she didn’t try to hide it. She was looking right at me. There was a big warm smile on her face and in her eyes. I smiled back, and handed her the mask.
“It looked good on you,” she said.
“I don’t think I’ll be needing it anymore.”
“Big Bad Wolf!” A kid shouted. “He should be the Big Bad Wolf!”
“Why don’t we read some books first,” Lacey said, “we—”
“Big! Bad! Wolf!” Three kids started chanting in unison. Some confused toddlers turned around and looked up at me with. Naomi smiled at me, and then she started chanting with the older kids.
“So,” I said to Lacey, “I guess I get the wolf mask?”
She handed me a grey wolf mask, and I put it on. “Who are the little piggys?”
Almost every kid’s hand shot up.
I handed a pig mask to Lacey.
“Fine,” she said, taking the mask.
I looked out over the kids “Who else?”
Of course I picked Naomi, and I picked some other girl who I’d seen being nice to Naomi earlier. Her name was Toya.
“We need the piggys’ mommy too,” Lacey said!
“What about him?” I asked, pointing to the fat kid.
“I can’t be a mommy!”
“Then you can be the piggys’ daddy.”
“Okay,” he said.
The fat kid’s name was “Geoff with a ‘G,’” as his mother introduced him.