How Not to Be a Hot Mess - A Survival Guide for Modern Life - Craig Hase Page 0,8

white. Like just about every white person I know, I used to think I didn’t have a problem with race. I was taught to be “color blind.” I was taught we’re all equal, we’re all good, and we shouldn’t see the differences.

The problem is, this kind of thinking paints over the very real differences between what white people experience versus just about everybody else in the United States—not to mention around the world. We’re talking about serious disparities in health, in education, and in access to the most basic resources.

This massive imbalance reflects the reality of white supremacy. Even though we usually associate white supremacy with hate speech and hate crimes, that’s actually just the tail end of a big curve, where the entire curve represents all the ways white people get a little leg up in just about every moment of their lives, while people of color get a little nudge down in so many moments of their lives. And if we’re going to stand up in the middle of the storm, it’s not only about less stress and more focus; it’s also about what’s worth standing up for. Meditation (plus wisdom and goodness and clarity) can help us figure this out.

I wasn’t confronted with my unwitting participation in white supremacy until I was in my late twenties. Like I said, I grew up in a liberal white town, surrounded by liberal white people. Pretty much all of my friends were white. I had a couple POC (people of color) friends, but we definitely didn’t have the tough conversations about whiteness.

Then, in 2010, I joined a two-year teacher-training program through Spirit Rock. We were all learning to be community leaders and meditation teachers. But the really cool (and really challenging) thing was that the group taking part in the training was very diverse. Out of the one hundred or so folks I trained with, about half were POC. A whole slew were queer-identified. We were from all over the country and all walks of life.

Things were not always smooth. Our teachers, Larry Yang and Gina Sharpe, talked a lot about “breaking together” rather than “breaking apart.” And break we did. There were arguments, walkouts, spirited councils, and feelings of every kind got expressed—sometimes loudly.

Through it all, though, we meditated. Sometimes in a big, sprawling circle. Sometimes scattered around the hall. We meditated outside and inside. Alone and together. In small groups, in big groups. When things were sweet and placid, we meditated. When things were choppy and raw, we meditated.

I don’t know how we would all have gotten through it together if not for meditation. Mindfulness was, I think, our ballast. Every time the ship started to roll, meditation brought us back upright in the storm. Together we’d find a way to take a few breaths, and keep talking, then take a few breaths, and keep listening. And, gradually, breath by breath, moment by heart-rending moment, we started to find each other.

So there are approximately one bajillion reasons why you should meditate. The top three reasons, as I’ve just mentioned, are that you’ll be less stressed, more focused, and you might even stumble your way into slightly better humanhood. Meditation will, in other words, make you somewhat less of a hot mess.

But meditation, this thing you do with your mind, is just one part of the sloppy collage we’re throwing together in these six sprawling chapters. In fact, the meat of what we have to say is still to come. Because while mindfulness is the foundation for a really pretty decent life, you’ll need more than a foundation to survive the onslaught. You’ll have to use the calm and focus and clarity you develop through meditation like a spotlight—a spotlight that we’ll now help you turn toward how you speak, what you do, and who you are at work and at school and at home.

Sound good? Great. Let’s start with not being a jerk.

DON’T BE A JERK

Craig

In this chapter, I’m going to try to convince you not to be a jerk. I mean, you’re probably already not a jerk. I’m sure you’re usually basically a very nice human. But if you’re anything like me, you’re a usually nice human who flips out sometimes, says things he doesn’t mean, or maybe even says things he does mean and then encounters the rippling layers of consequences of those things down the line. Therefore, my goal here is to persuade you to do less of the jerk-like stuff you might be doing