she returned her sloshing teacup to the tray, then reached out and placed her hands on top of Cora Jean’s, which were clutching the sheets.
That was the second unfortunate choice Audrey made that day, with a third yet to occur before the sun set. The woman’s sorrow—if it could be thought of as something chemical—entered Audrey’s fingertips, burning the pads of her fingers, the joints of her knuckles, her wrists. The flaming liquid pain seeped up her arms, searing as it went: elbows, shoulders, collarbone. And then the poison found her spine, an aqueduct that delivered breathtaking hurt to every nerve in Audrey’s body. She yelped involuntarily. Here was a sensation that she had never experienced.
She wished that she could save the dying woman from the terror. She also wished that she had never dipped her toe into these hellish waters.
The pain bowed her over Cora Jean’s fragile body, a posture at once protective and impotent, and paralyzed Audrey. The women cried together until every last drop of the agony had let itself out of Audrey’s eyes.
In time Cora Jean said, “Thank you for understanding,” and fell asleep, exhausted.
Audrey, who understood not a bit of what had transpired, said nothing. She tuned the radio to Cora Jean’s favorite classical station, then waited, agitated and restless, for the hospice nurse to arrive.
Audrey stumbled out of the house, forgetting to give Harlan a polite good-bye. She stood on the square front stoop, stunned and spent and a little bit frightened, and leaned against the closed screen door for a long minute. She fiddled absentmindedly with one of her rose-in-a-heart earrings.
She began to wonder if she wasn’t as well-suited for her divine calling as she had once thought. Surely sitting with a person through suffering didn’t mean sharing the pain like that, experiencing it firsthand. How had it happened? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything except that she would prefer to avoid that kind of intensity in the future. She would do what she was able to do, and there was no point in feeling guilty about her shortcomings, if guilt was the right name for this emotion.
Audrey sighed and finally walked off the Halls’ stoop and across the lawn. Cora Jean’s windows weren’t the only ones opened that day. Because the fog was gone, others in the working-class neighborhood had raised sashes to lure cleansing breezes into their homes. This is what Audrey would later blame for her third poor choice of the day.
Wide oaks offered shade on both sides of the street. The separation from the sun would be a gift from God come summertime, when the air was too tired to stir even a single leaf in any of the towering eucalyptus trees.
The fleeting question of whether Cora Jean would be alive then passed through Audrey’s mind. She kicked it out of her consciousness, still feeling raw and drained. She moved toward her car, wanting to go home and find answers in her sleep.
When she stepped off the curb to round her parked car and climb into the driver’s seat, she felt the atmosphere move. Invisible but solid, thick air stepped in front of her like a large man who intended to hijack her car or snatch her purse. Her keys, hanging from her fingertips, jangled as if she’d struck something. She steadied herself with one hand on the hood of the car, bracing her surprise. She had never experienced this “leading,” as she called it, so close to another event. The effects would either pass shortly or lead her onward.
Heat like a strong arm snaked across the back of her shoulders. Audrey stepped forward to get out from under the weight. The move was reflexive, a whole-body flinch that sent her right into the invisible obstacle again. This time she was met with pressure, square and flaming over her sternum, and a crushing pain went straight to her heart. The grip on her shoulders squeezed, keeping her upright where she couldn’t escape the wounding.
The hurt was blunt and weighty, a pestle grinding in a mortar. Audrey’s lips parted and flattened, stretching out like a cry, but no sound came out of her mouth. The skin around her nose and eyes bunched up until she couldn’t see, but there were no tears. She folded at the waist, her body bending over the car just as she had drooped over Cora Jean. This connection was unwelcome, and Audrey resisted it.