Hot Under His Collar - Andie J. Christopher Page 0,88
be tamed rioted inside her.
Until he touched her face with his hand. It wasn’t an explicitly sexual touch. But everything between them was imbued with that. She leaned into his palm, just quelling the urge to turn her face so that she could kiss his rough palm.
“Does it feel wrong to you?”
No, everything about being this close to him, having him in her home, loving him, felt right. “It feels too good. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“I’m afraid, too.”
“You are?”
He let out a short laugh. “Yeah, I’m terrified.”
“Of what?” Even though he’d never said anything that had made him seem arrogant to her, she’d always put him on a pedestal—even though she was no longer religious, so many authority figures in her life had been priests that she’d elevated him in her head. The idea that he was scared right now brought him somewhat down to earth.
“I’m afraid of disappointing you.” He would definitely do that if this worked out. But he’d chosen her. No one she’d ever been with had chosen her. They’d always left her. She’d never felt good enough. But Patrick did not expect her to be perfect. He’d witnessed her most sinful, wanton behavior. She’d let him see her most craven thoughts. But he was standing in front of her, giving her a tender look that told her he wanted nothing more than to be kissing her again right now. Instead, he continued talking, reassuring her. “I’m afraid that this won’t last, and I’ll be just as lost as I was the last time a woman I loved left me.”
“I won’t leave you.” She knew that about herself, knew that it would rip her apart to leave Patrick because she’d felt hollow and empty when she did. “It almost killed me the last time.”
His other hand joined the one on her face, cupping her chin and bringing her close. “I know that. I think I knew how you felt about me when you walked away, but I was too much of a dope to actually see it.”
“You’re not a dope—”
“No, I’m definitely a dope.” He kissed her nose and sighed with satisfaction. “I’ve loved you for a long time. Maybe it was that night at the bake sale, when I almost kissed you.”
“That was so hot—so wrong—but so hot.”
“Shhh.” Him making that sound sent a shiver down her spine and made her center heat even more. “It wasn’t wrong. Not even then.”
“You are—were—a priest.” Even though Catholicism wasn’t for her, part of her still believed that there was something out there keeping track of all the wrong things everyone did and meting out punishment at the end.
“True story.” He pulled her close, and she let him. Even if her soul was forever marred by how much she loved him, she wasn’t strong enough to fight it anymore. “But I’m still a human being. We’re consenting adults, and we fell in love. The only time I’ve felt like I was doing anything right in the past few months was when I was with you.”
“Me too.” She bit her lip, and the only reason she could say the next thing was that she wasn’t looking him dead in the face. “But I’ve always wanted what I couldn’t have. Always.”
“So, you think that everything you want is bad?”
When he said it, it sounded ridiculous. “I’m so weird. Why do you love me?”
He pulled back and looked at her. “I love you because you’re just the kind of weird that I need. I never had any problem sticking with my vow of chastity before because none of the women I met were you.”
“Really?” Hearing him say the thing she almost never said out loud made her residual doubts disappear. After all this time lusting after Patrick, surely any god that actually existed would have struck her down if it was really wrong—or at least given her a bad bout of acne?
“Nothing in my life felt right until you walked into my office, ready to save the preschool.”
“Nothing?”
“I was stuck. Bored. I didn’t feel like I had a relationship with God anymore. It had gotten stale.”
“Like a bad marriage?”
“Sort of?” He laughed.
“But everything is always forever with the Church—all the vows are forever.”
“I don’t know. Maybe that made sense when life was really short, but life is long. I don’t regret becoming a priest. If I hadn’t, maybe you and I wouldn’t be together right now. If you only want what’s forbidden, how else would I have gotten your attention?”