Hot Under His Collar - Andie J. Christopher Page 0,74

so very long. So now, when she was just expressing her emotions in the most straightforward fashion possible—with profanity—she was shocking? That was fucked up.

“I’m not the one who’s married. You should maybe watch where you’re putting your mouth.” Nathan had kissed her when they’d met outside the restaurant. Perhaps the fact that she’d never been to his home should have been a clue. Come to think of it, the fact that he hadn’t been holding her hand for a romantic walk along the lakefront should have been another clue. Here she was, grateful that he hadn’t tried to have sex with her, when he’d really just been trying not to break his marriage vows.

That thought imbued her with sympathy, and she no longer wanted to kick Nathan in the shins. She wanted to kick herself. She’d been dating long enough to know better. But she was still pissed that he’d thought she was the one to be made a fool of.

“I’m sorry. You were just so beautiful. And my wife hasn’t even smiled in months.” He looked dejected, but now Sasha was getting angry on behalf of his wife.

“Listen, I don’t know what it’s like inside your marriage.” She knew a lot about what she didn’t want a marriage to be in her own life, but she also knew there was a myriad of ways that people could be fucked up in their marriages. And she was also curious. “Why me?”

“You’re just so sweet.”

She snorted again. “You know nothing, Jon Snow.”

Nathan looked as though he’d had a serious realization. “That’s the thing. I don’t understand half the things that come out of your mouth. But you’re nice to me.”

“And that made you think it was okay to date me for months before revealing that you’re not just involved with someone else, but you have a wife?” Curiosity and anger were now engaging in a war of attrition inside her. She wanted to know what it was about her that attracted this kind of bullshit, but she was also sorely tempted to beat this man about the head with her purse.

“I just—” Determined to let him get his words out this time, she took a deep breath and waited for him to speak. “I thought if I could be with someone easy . . .”

“So I’m easy?” He was digging himself into a hole that Sasha would have to push him into if he didn’t pull back real quick. “You know, I am sweet on the outside. But you remember those Everlasting Gobstopper candies that they used to have when we were really little?” She didn’t let him answer. “They have sweet layers, but every so often you get a real sour one that you just have to power through.” He nodded, apparently just then sensing the danger of his current situation. “You’re about to hit a sour layer.”

Nathan was silent for a long moment, and Sasha’s anger ebbed. He’d only seen what she’d wanted him to see. That was the whole problem. The only man she felt like she could be herself with, who wanted her because of anything authentic, couldn’t be with her. Maybe if she’d been more honest with Nathan, he’d want her for her. Doubtful. If he wanted someone who authentically wanted to smile at him, he should probably reconsider cheating on his wife.

“And I know that,” Nathan said. “About date two I realized that you were just going through the motions.”

“Why did you keep asking me out, then?”

“It felt nice for me to have your attention, even if it was temporary.”

“That’s really sad.” She wouldn’t have said that a month ago, and she was sort of surprised that it came out of her mouth now. She’d been raised to keep her mouth shut and judge silently. But that impulse had stunted her. In that moment, standing in the dark, surrounded by people and confronted with a man whom she didn’t want, her body felt too small to hold all of the things she’d unleashed—anger, curiosity, and even compassion for Nathan.

“It’s okay,” she continued. Nathan really didn’t deserve her absolution, but they’d all be going to hell if the only people who received it had to deserve it. “I used you.”

“For what?”

“To maintain the illusion that I’m just a normal girl looking for a sweet and completely ordinary guy to marry her.”

“Huh.” Nathan didn’t really seem to have the depth to process the fact that people had layers and motivations that conflicted with one another. He