Hot Under His Collar - Andie J. Christopher Page 0,72

he couldn’t seem to give her?

“Yes. He has a whole lot more to lose than you do. I don’t think that your feelings for him are like your other crushes on unavailable guys. I think what you feel for him is real. And it might not last. But it might be the thing that you’ve been looking for.”

“He makes me feel chaotic inside.” She was both drawn to him and hated how he made her feel.

“I think you just answered your own question.”

“What question?”

“How does it feel to be in love?”

Fuck.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

WALKING ALONG THE LAKEFRONT should feel romantic. The twinkling lights of the Chicago skyline, the Ferris wheel towering over the pier. The teenagers out past their curfew. The couples walking hand in hand, with eyes only for each other.

But all Sasha could feel was the stone in her gut. She felt incredibly guilty about stringing Nathan along. It hadn’t felt wrong at the time, but she hadn’t given this nice man the empathy that he deserved. Since her last session with Pam almost a week ago, Sasha had done nothing about Patrick. She hadn’t called him or gone over to the church. She had no legitimate reason to, and she still wasn’t sure what she would say to him.

When Nathan had called after his long road trip with the team, she’d jumped at the chance to go out with him. She’d wanted to see for herself whether her lack of feelings for him were more about her feelings for Patrick or whether they just didn’t have any chemistry.

But it hadn’t taken her even until the appetizers to realize that Nathan just wasn’t the guy for her. It wouldn’t have mattered if she’d never met Patrick Dooley. The idea that she was going to have to tell that to a very nice man who had been exceedingly patient with her and taken her out on nice dates, even though she’d never even let him feel her up, had ruined her meal.

It weighed her down more than cement shoes, and she doubted that she would feel more doom if Nathan was some mobster sent to execute a hit on her.

“Dinner was good.” Nathan was trying, and that made it even worse. Dinner was great, but Sasha hadn’t felt like herself. Before everything that had happened with Patrick, she would have been able to affix her charming personality and power through what might have been awkward emotional moments.

At the time, she’d felt like it was the only way to be. Now, though, the things she did to survive seemed not to fit anymore. The sinking feeling wasn’t even the awkwardness. The conversation between her and Nathan had been stilted from the start. She could feel how much he liked her. It made him sputter and start, and it made her overcompensate.

She hated who she was with him. And she didn’t need Pam to tell her that wasn’t the best foundation for a long-lasting, mutually satisfying romantic relationship. It might have worked for her parents, but she wanted something different.

The problem was that she couldn’t have the different thing she wanted. She dared not ask for it. Even if Patrick wanted to leave the priesthood for her, her family would never accept a laicized priest into the fold, even if leaving was ultimately his choice. The madness that had overtaken them would have to live inside her like a precious gem in her heart. Even if she should feel guilty about what they’d shared, she wouldn’t give up the memory of the way he’d been with her for anything in the world.

She had to break up with Nathan.

In the middle of the walkway, she stopped and turned to him. It took him a few steps to realize that she was no longer next to him. Before saying anything, she looked him up and down. He really was handsome. Good-looking in a way that her mother wouldn’t consider flashy and therefore dangerous. But she was repelled by his khaki pants and pressed shirt. His very appropriate and likely uncomfortable wingtip shoes. They felt like they came from a bygone era.

Sasha opened her mouth to speak, but Nathan beat her to the punch. “I have to tell you something.”

Oh, this was a boon. If he’d picked up on her disquiet and decided to break up with her first, it would be ideal. Not that she’d been broken up with very often—at least not after this many dates—but not having to take on the onus of

readonlinefreenovel.com Copyright 2016 - 2024