Hot SEAL, Confirmed Bachelor- Cynthia D'Alba Page 0,65
Whether it’s Seth or someone else, you should marry again.” He could barely get the words out. His heart slammed against his ribs. A boulder clogged his throat. He wanted her to say she wanted him. Not Seth. Not some strange unnamed guy, but Benjamin Ezekiel Blackwell.
Her gaze slid away. “I see. And you think this man I should spend my life with is Seth Garrett? You’ve picked out my life partner for me?” She spun away from him. “Your arrogance knows no bounds.” She whirled back to face him. “Who do you think you are? Don’t I get a say in who I love? Who I want to live with?”
He jerked her to him and enfolded her in his embrace. “Of course, you do. I want you safe and happy.”
“I am safe and happy…when I’m with you.”
He shook his head. “You deserve so much more than me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m not good enough for a woman like you.” He sighed. “My old man was a mean drunk. When he drank, no one wanted to be around him. And he drank all the time. He hated me. Beat me daily for every transgression. If he wanted coffee and there was none, he’d beat me, even though I was six and didn’t know a thing about coffee.”
She gasped and her hand covered her mouth.
“Most of the time, there was little or no food in the house. I had to learn to wash my own clothes in the first grade, otherwise the other kids would make fun of me.”
“Why didn’t someone call social services for you?”
“Oh, they did. He’d sober up before they arrived. Made me clean the house so everything presented well. The government finally took me away and put me in foster care from age eight to thirteen, and then sent me back to hell. I ran away when I was sixteen. It was leave or kill the bastard, so I ran, just like he always accused me of doing. Running away. Never staying to fight.” He chuckled sadly. “Maybe that’s why I joined the Navy. To show the world that I could fight.”
He held her upper arms in his hands and pushed her away. “Half of my genes came from him. Part of me is this mean bastard. I never want to hurt a child like he did me, but the genetics are there. The pregnancy scare I had at age twenty terrified me. As soon as I was old enough and I could find a doctor who would do it, I had a vasectomy. That’s how I knew the woman who later told me she was pregnant was lying. She couldn’t have been, or least not by me. I can’t be a father. I’m not cut out for it.”
She pulled out of his grasp and snorted. “What utter horseshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“Horseshit. That mean—”
“I know what horseshit means. I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Katie adores you. Thinks you hung the moon. You’ve been caring and kind to my daughter. If you’d shown an ounce of what you described about your own father, do you think I would’ve let you within an inch of my child?”
“No, of course not. You’re a wonderful mom. And you should fall in love again and have more children. I can’t give you that.”
She rolled her eyes. “I swear to God, Ben. I thought I’d seen the extent of your ego, but once again, you’ve put it on full display. Has it occurred to you I might not want more children?”
That made him stop. His brow furrowed in confusion. “You should have the option. I’ve taken that away from you.”
“Wait. This is crazy, Ben. Why are you talking about children and pushing me toward other men?” She drew in a gasp. “This is you walking away from me, isn’t it?”
He reached out, but she backed out of his reach.
“Just tell me one thing,” she said, her voice shaky. “Did you care for me at all? Am I the only one in this relationship who developed feelings?”
His hand fell to his side. “I have feelings, Holly. I care deeply about you.”
She scoffed. “Deeply. Horseshit talk again.” She got directly into his face. “I love you, Ben. Love. Not care deeply. Not only do I want the best for you, I love you. I am the best for you.”
He took two steps back. “You might be the best woman for me. I only wish I was the best man for you. I do love you, Holly. I’ve