what’s coming. Everything is going to shatter soon.
“But soon after Reed was born, I lost my job. Back then, nobody wanted to hire a mother of a newborn in an office. I had to stay home and look after him, and I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to work. I wanted to contribute to the household. I loved my son, but I loved Dan too. I hated seeing how hard he had to work to make ends meet for us. I started to wonder if we had been foolish. If we were too young with too many responsibilities.”
I think I know this feeling too. Maybe she sees a hint of camaraderie in my eyes.
“I started drinking. Most nights. I was drinking a lot to numb that feeling of being insufficient and shit at everything. Most of all, a shit mother and an even shittier wife.”
“Annie…”
“I was drunk that night of the accident,” she interrupts me. “Dan asked me to pick him up from his late-night shift, and I had already spent the whole evening drinking. I shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. I shouldn’t have had Reed in the car. Dan said nothing, although I could sense his disappointment. While driving, I raised my voice at him. I was angry with myself but taking it out on him. I wasn’t paying attention. And then…then it happened.”
Annie can’t hold it back any longer. She breaks into loud, bitter sobs, and all I can do is reach for her and pull her into my arms. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for Dan and Reed and myself. I have tears in my eyes too.
19
Reed
Tom arranged a table for us at the hottest cocktail bar in town. All I had to tell him was to organize drinks with Ella and he knew he had to make it special. Maybe he has noticed the change in me ever since Ella left. Maybe he has known the truth all along. I mean, I guess it’s been pretty obvious.
I’m excited about seeing her again. I was surprised when she continued the conversation yesterday over the phone. I was half-expecting her to just slam the phone down and tell me she never wants to speak to me again.
Maybe there is hope for us after all. I don’t know what I want, but I definitely want her.
I arrive early, and I’m shown to a private table in the darkest corner of the bar. It’s very polished and sophisticated. Everyone here is very well dressed. When Ella walks in a few minutes later, she instantly stands out. In the midst of all the glittering jewels and the glamor, she is a breath of fresh air.
Her dress is black. Classic. Her curls are shining. She has a stand-out red lipstick on that brightens up her face. Heads turn as she walks towards me. She’s carrying a small silver purse in her hand to match her silver shoes. I don’t know if I can control myself. If I’ll be able to stop from kissing her right now.
“Reed!” she exclaims, and I stand up to greet her. She extends her arms towards me, and I gently pull her to myself. Before I know it, we are hugging. We are actually hugging. Her perfume. The softness of her hair and her skin. I don’t want to let her go. This is exactly the feeling I was hunting for and now I’m sure I won’t experience it anywhere else. This is it.
But Ella slowly breaks away from me. There’s a faint smile on her face; she glances away like she’s embarrassed by something. Maybe it’s because we were hugging for an extended period of time.
Maybe that is not what she wants. It is extremely possible that things have changed.
She sits down across from me, and it takes me a moment to take my chair. She hasn’t said anything but she’s already picked up the cocktail list and is browsing through it.
“Wow. This all sounds very fancy. I don’t think I have had any of these before. What is a paloma?” She is speaking in a chirpy voice but I’m barely listening to her words and focusing more on her face, the way she moves her mouth.
“Ella, how have you been?” I ask. Honestly, I don’t care about the other stuff.
She puts the list down and meets my eyes.
“I’ve been okay, Reed. I have a new job. A more permanent one, so I’ve been settling in there.”