Even though things started off badly for us, I don’t know why I feel drawn to this woman. She looks like someone who has been through a lot and come out on the other side alive and stronger.
“I’m sorry that I went poking around, but Reed wanted some answers. He hired me to do the work. We found his uncle and aunt in Bridgeville. They were the first ones who gave us the idea that you may not be dead.”
Annie has to look away. I can sense she doesn’t want to meet my eyes because she’s embarrassed.
“How are they? Matthew and Sally? Jerry must be a grown man now,” Annie comments with a faded smile.
“They’re good. They’re lovely people.”
She nods.
I have so many questions for her, and I don’t even know how or where to begin. I don’t even know if it’s my place to ask her those questions. Reed has no idea I’m meeting with her. I don’t even want to imagine how he would react. I grip my coffee cup a little tighter and try to relax.
What does this mean for us? The pregnancy?
I am supposed to tell him about the baby tomorrow.
“Go on. Ask me. I know you are dying to know,” Annie says sharply. I know what she is referring to, but I can’t find the words to say it. “You want to know why I did it, right? Why I put my son through all that and why I disappeared?”
I stare at her. I’m not going to force her to answer anything.
“You don’t have to tell me anything. You should tell your son. That is the person who deserves to know.”
Annie hasn’t spoken in a while. It seems like she is thinking of other things. Her mind is elsewhere. Maybe she’s reliving those days. The night of the accident.
While she sits there in front of me, I can see her eyes starting to turn red. They’re filling with tears.
“You know, I have seen him several times. I know exactly what he looks like. I know where he lives. How he is.”
I’m surprised to hear it, and I’m staring at her with my brows crossed, waiting for her to continue and give me an explanation.
Annie smirks now. “I know you think it’s creepy and I shouldn’t be spying on him, but I can’t help it. He’s my son. I want to make sure he’s doing okay.”
“So all these years, you had the opportunity to go up and talk to him, tell him the truth, and you let him continue believing that you were dead.”
She meets my eyes and nods.
“Yes, it’s exactly that. I’m not going to sugarcoat it,” she replies.
I sit back in my chair. I don’t even care about the coffee anymore. I’m trying to wrap my brain around these decisions she made.
“Maybe it’s not my place. Maybe Reed won’t want me to know, but Annie, why? Why would you do this?”
I’m fighting the urge to stroke my belly. Now that I am going to be a mother and I know I’m nurturing and growing my own child, I can’t imagine having to give up my baby. I don’t know what would make me willingly do it. Just the thought of it makes me sick.
Annie gulps, she’s staring at me but not really seeing.
“I had to give him up so he could have a better chance at life than the one I could give him. I wasn’t capable of looking after him.”
“You are his mother. All he needed in his life was you. He would have been happy with you.”
Annie shakes her head. There are fat tears rolling down her freckled cheeks. There are deep wrinkles around her eyes, and her skin is sagging a little, but I can see she was a beauty when she was young. She has those sharp features that define Reed too.
“You don’t understand, Ella. I would have been a terrible mother to him. I couldn’t carry on like that. Bearing the guilt of it.”
“The guilt? Of what? What are you talking about, Annie?”
She fixes her blue eyes on me. I can feel my hands shaking because I know…I just know she is going to tell me something I will regret knowing. I want to stop her. Tell her not to go on. Reed deserves to hear this more than I do.
But a ghostly expression has taken over Annie’s face now, and she gulps. Her throat moves.