Hostile Ground (The Arsenal #7) - Cara Carnes Page 0,145

is of him.” Fuck. She thought she had cancer. Addy kept that part to herself. No one in the room needed to know how terrified she’d been, how resolute her love for Jesse was.

She’d wanted to carry that burden alone to protect him as long as she could.

“For the record, I found out by accident. I went to get Olaf’s pills and saw her there. Alone.” Okay, so maybe she’d give them enough to read between the lines. They were the most brilliant people she’d ever met. More importantly, they were Ellie’s friends and would be hurt by the fact she hadn’t trusted them with it. That was their road to travel, not Ellie’s. Sure as fuck not Jesse’s.

“Are we all on the same page?” Addy asked.

“Yeah,” Marshall said, his eyes watery. “We are. Thanks for having her back. And Jesse’s. You’re right. We would’ve pried.”

“Hard not to,” Dylan commented. “He’ll share when he’s ready.”

“I’m thinking we need to table this meeting until the morning. It’ll wait,” Mary said. She smirked and looked over at Dylan. “I hope they have a boy since we sort of stole his thunder and named our girl after him.”

The entire room broke out in laughter. Addy shook her head and exited the room. As much as she’d love to celebrate the news with everyone, she needed time alone with Kristof.

Seeing Ellie’s happiness. Jesse’s unadulterated joy. Yeah, she couldn’t deny she wanted that with Kristof. She also couldn’t deny that she loved him. Without hesitation.

Because she would’ve done exactly what Ellie had if it’d been her with Kristof. She would’ve protected him from the pain as long as she could.

Just like she’d wanted to protect him when they’d gotten captured.

Love.

Addy froze and leaned against the wall. She was in love with Kristof.

“Addy.”

She turned. Mary stood there. Concern reflected in her face. “Are you okay?”

Was she? “Yeah. I just… Yeah. What’s up?”

“We haven’t gotten a chance to talk since you’ve been back. I was thinking we could do that.”

They’d spoken on several occasions, but Addy knew what her friend meant. They hadn’t been alone and chatted about Peter. Addy’s guilt over what Mary endured.

Right. “I shouldn’t have blurted what I did during the op. You don’t need to worry about sorting my head. I’ll get through it.”

“What Peter did wasn’t your fault. None of what he did was on you.” Mary took a step closer. “I love you like a sister and it hurts me to see you blaming yourself.”

Wow. The Mary she’d known at the Hive never would’ve said something that outright, so personal. She’d been entirely focused on the missions. Doctor Sinclair had done a good job with her.

But it’d taken more than that to heal Mary. Dylan and everyone at The Arsenal had helped. They’d given her the family she’d never had. They’d done the same for Addy, but she’d always forced herself to remain apart because protecting Mary, Vi, Rhea, and Bree had been the most important thing to her when they’d arrived.

“I’ve kept myself detached from this place. I’ve seen what it did for you and Vi, then Rhea. I wanted all of you safe and happy. Even though I knew you were, I still couldn’t commit myself to fully vesting myself into this place. The people.”

“You were scared,” Mary whispered. “Amanda says I shouldn’t ever be afraid to voice my fears. Sometimes we can’t fix a problem by ourselves. I think it’s time you talk to her and work through some of your past. I’m worried about what will happen if you don’t because we can’t keep living for our work, the missions. There’s more to life than that, and I’m scared that you aren’t ever going to allow yourself to have more than that because of that bastard.”

“I’m trying. Or, I’m going to try,” Addy admitted. “Things are complicated right now.”

“Kristof?”

Addy nodded. “I know he’s not exactly the most liked person around, but…”

Mary touched her arm. “Your team respects him. They’ve said as much to anyone who asks. Jud’s thrown down for him. Gage, Raul, and Medina all want him on their teams. Gage has seniority, so that’s likely where he’d go if he’s interested in taking that route. But Jud wants him working with him and Riley. He thinks that’s a better fit, one that’d keep his work life separate enough from yours.”

She should’ve realized Jud would throw down for Kristof. “They’d be good together.”

“They would. Dylan and his brothers aren’t fully on board with that idea yet.