Hooking - Kristine Allen Page 0,89
he was burying the emotions and not dealing with them. Neither was a good option in this case.
“I know what I have to do.” I sniffled pathetically.
It was the hardest decision I’d made in my life. Though I loved him, there’s no way I was giving up my baby because he didn’t want one. There was no way we could make things work with him being that against having kids.
“Did you call him? Have you told him yet?” Natalie asked. Her brow furrowed as she studied me.
“No. I don’t know that I will,” I admitted with a sad frown.
“What? Why not?” Incredulous, she slapped her hands on her head.
“God, Nat, you didn’t hear him that day. He doesn’t want a kid. He seemed relieved when they found out Hank Isaac wasn’t his. He said he was glad and didn’t want kids. But it’s okay, I don’t need him. I’m perfectly capable of raising this child by myself.” It hurt to say that out loud, but I was and I would.
“That’s not the point, Syd. You didn’t make this baby all by yourself, did you?”
“Of course not.” I sighed as I laid my head on the back of the couch.
“Then he has an obligation in this too. Even if he doesn’t want to help raise it, he can still help you out financially. There’s no way you’re going to be able to afford decent daycare on your own. My coworkers bitch about how expensive it is all the time,” she argued.
“Hell, no, then I’m no better than that gold digger who was fishing for a baby daddy. If I have to, I’ll move home. I don’t want his money!” I growled in disgust. The thought of having to move home sucked too. Facing the disappointment I was sure to see in my dad’s eyes every damn day was not tops on my life lists. Ugh, who was I kidding? It would be miserable. The worst move in the world.
“I didn’t say you did, but you need to be realistic, not emotional. Did you get pregnant on purpose?”
“You know I didn’t.” I scoffed and found emotional tears again.
“Then there’s no comparison. It was an accident. But you both knew the risks when you did the deed, so he has no room to bitch.” She was so rational, but I was having a hard time imagining telling him. It terrified me.
“You’ve never really said… do you love him?” she asked softly.
“So damn much.”
I needed to see where we stood with it once and for all. If he truly didn’t want kids, this ended any chance of us working out even if there was a mysterious loophole. To have him think I could do something like this on purpose bothered me, too.
Not that it would matter in the end, since we’d be over.
“Fine. I’ll tell him.”
Eventually.
“Beautiful”—Pop Evil
“Meow!” Victor howled as I sprawled on the couch, flipping through channels aimlessly. Nothing appealed to me, but I was tired and wanted something mindless. When I didn’t show him attention, he jumped up and snuggled into my side as he stared up at me.
“I know buddy, she’ll be here soon.” I pretended that his discontent was because he missed Sydney too. Hell, for all I knew, he might. She’d stayed most of her nights at my place before the road trip.
Restless, I shut the TV off and listened for the sound of her car as she pulled up. I should’ve given her a key. Why the hell hadn’t I given her a key?
The sound of a car in the driveway had me jumping up. I realized I was nervous. Extremely so. My hands were sweating like I was getting ready to step on the ice for the last game of the Stanley Cup playoffs.
My mind spun to how long I’d actually known her. In truth it was close to six months or more. Then I wondered would she think it wasn’t long enough? What if I was jumping the gun?
I checked everything once more. My heart raced so I took a few deep breaths. Shook myself out like I was preparing for the title fight. And maybe peeked in the mirror in the hall.
Hair straight, teeth clean, beard trimmed and smooth.
“Meow!”
“Okay, okay,” I said to my mouthy cat. “I’ll let her in.”
But when I opened the door, she was still sitting in her car, hands on the wheel. It was still running, and if I wasn’t mistaken, she looked like she was considering backing right back out.