Home to Stay (The Long Road Home #2) - Maryann Jordan Page 0,45
she’s amazing.”
Bray chuckled and added, “Then Lucy, our hats are off to you. Now, get some sleep and let John take care of everything.”
The call disconnected, and for several minutes, they traveled down the dark road, the black forest on either side pressing in with only the headlights in front of them providing illumination. He wondered if she was falling asleep, hoping she would rest but wishing they’d had more time to talk.
She shifted again, then said, “Your friend is right. You really are my hero, you know. I’d love to know more about you, John, but the last time I asked it didn’t go so well.”
A heavy sigh left his lips, and he winced at the memory. “Lucy, I’m sorry. I was an ass.”
She barked out a combination snort-laugh and shook her head. “You were not an ass.”
He thought the sound of her laughter was adorable and would have disagreed with her assessment but was glad she was giving him another chance. He hated talking about himself but knew if he was ever going to have a chance with her, he needed to get over his fuckin’ hang-ups and talk. “It’s been hard coming back home the way I did. I’ve been home to visit but never home to stay. Considering it wasn’t by choice, at least not initially, I was struggling.”
“So, Maine was a place you came to because of your grandparents?”
“Yeah. As an Army family, we moved around a lot, but Mom couldn’t hack it. My parents were young when they got married, had me just two years later. I think Mom thought it was going to be exciting being married to someone in the Army. A chance to travel and see new places. I think she was ready to escape the little town she grew up in. That happened, but I can remember my parents fighting almost every time we had to pack up and move. Mom would cry and want to know why we couldn’t stay somewhere longer. She cried when we got to a place and said she didn’t know anyone and didn’t have any friends. She cried and said she was tired of packing and unpacking, tired of on-base housing or trying to find an apartment somewhere. And then Dad would get called up for an overseas duty that was unaccompanied and be gone for six to twelve months.” He sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face. “I think I struggled for many years with her unhappiness. I used to think that I should have been able to do something to make her happier, but she was unhappy in her marriage and unhappy with her life.”
“No, John. You were just a child. And it’s not a child’s responsibility to make their parent’s life happy.”
“I know she loved me, but it just wasn’t enough.”
Lucy’s hand landed on his leg, her voice heavy. “Oh, I’m so sorry you carry the burden that was never yours to carry.”
He dropped his right hand to hers, and she twisted her fingers around to link through his. As difficult as the topic of conversation was, the feel of her palm against his warmed him straight through to his heart.
“To be honest, I don’t think it’s that uncommon for military families. All the kids I knew were constantly moving, and I knew more than one whose parents split up. But I had no idea that’s what Mom was thinking of until I was about ten years old and she simply left. I came home from school and saw her packing and wondered if we were having another move. I asked her where we were going and she looked up, tears in her eyes, and told me that we weren’t going anywhere but she needed a break. I thought maybe she was going to visit relatives, but she left and didn’t come back.”
Lucy’s fingers flexed against his. “I simply can’t imagine that. My family wasn’t perfect, but my parents love each other and made sure that my brother and I knew that. But what a horrible thing for her to do to you.”
“I struggled with it for many years. I ended up spending more and more time with my grandparents, and it was my grandmother who finally explained to me that none of this was my fault. She said my mom was a good woman who simply had been very unhappy as a military wife. So unhappy that she felt the only thing she could do was leave.”