Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group #6) - Riley Edwards Page 0,46

place. Holden hadn’t. He quickly jumped back like I was the most hideous, vile creature to ever walk the earth.

Yet, I couldn’t stop loving the man. I needed shock therapy, or a brain transplant.

I sipped my coffee, hoping the warm liquid would provide much needed armor for the day ahead. Nix, Micky, Holden, and Faith talked amongst themselves while I sat quietly and listened. Actually, I wasn’t listening. I was watching. The words they were saying didn’t penetrate. But the way Holden absentmindedly handed Faith a napkin did. The way my daughter happily sat on Holden’s lap while she ate her breakfast certainly did. The way the two of them looked content hit me with a force so painful I wondered what I’d done that was so horrible I’d be punished in such a way.

One night of drunken sex had given me my beautiful child. I’d never regret it, never wish it hadn’t happened. But that didn’t stop me from being heartbroken that the years Holden and I had made love, the years we’d had wild, fantastic sex, hadn’t resulted in me being pregnant.

She can’t be mine because I can’t have fucking kids, Charleigh.

My sinuses started to sting just thinking about Holden’s admission. Why hadn’t he told me when we were together? Why hadn’t he been honest? For years, I wondered if Holden was really Faith’s biological dad. I tried my best not to but that didn’t mean I hadn’t looked for similarities. She looked nothing like Paul. Not her hair color, her eye color, her skin tone. Not her mannerisms, nothing. No part of her resembled the Towlers. But there’d been plenty of little things that had reminded me of Holden. Now I knew it was all in my head, wishful thinking, stupidity.

Knowing the truth once and for all didn’t make me feel any better. It felt like I was standing in that damn parking lot confronting Holden all over again. His anguish and anger plain as day, his hatred surrounding me when he told me to go find Paul. And now I knew why.

“Momma?”

I blinked and looked at Faith through watery eyes.

“Yeah, sweets?”

“Why are you crying?”

Shit, goddamn, shit.

I could lie and say I had a headache but I feared that would land me another day in the hospital. The truth wasn’t an option.

“Sometimes, doll, after something really scary happens and after you know everything’s okay, all the emotions you were hiding come out,” Holden explained.

“Why would you hide them?”

“Because sometimes hiding is the only thing that gives you strength.”

My eyes drifted closed and I wondered who Holden was speaking to—me or Faith?

He certainly hid a lot from me.

“Yesterday, your mom had to be strong for you even though she was scared and hurt. All she was thinking about was you. Now, she sees you’re safe and all those feelings she was hiding are coming out.”

“But she didn’t need to be strong. She sent you.”

“She was still scared for you, darlin’. That’s what moms do. They worry. Now you’re home safe and sound and she’s so happy and relieved all those emotions are coming out.”

I wished with all my might that was why I was crying. Not that I wasn’t happy and relieved my daughter was home, but I hadn’t begun to process everything that had happened. I would do that when I was home in my bed with Faith tucked next to me. I’d finally give in to my fear and anxiety when no one could witness my breakdown.

The bed jostled and I opened my eyes to find Faith climbing up.

“It’s okay, Mom.”

I slowly exhaled and gathered my daughter in my arms, feeling guilty she was the one consoling me.

“You’re right, everything is just fine. We’re gonna be okay.”

And one way or another I would make that so. We’d be okay. Together, we’d get through the aftereffects of what the Towlers had done. Together, we’d move on. We always did.

Holden stood and jerked his chin toward the door. Nixon moved in that direction, but before Holden could take two steps, Faith sat up.

“Where are you going?” The panic in her voice couldn’t be missed nor could the way Holden’s body went rigid.

“I’m gonna step out into the hallway with Nixon,” he told her.

“No. You can’t leave.”

I sat frozen and watched as Holden loosened his muscles and softened his features. Everything about him transformed before my eyes.

“Last night I promised you I wasn’t leaving. I keep my promises. I’m not going far. I need to talk to Nixon in