Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group #6) - Riley Edwards Page 0,11

do touchy-feely, and things like emotions cause allergic reactions in tough macho men. But seriously, Holden, it’s been a long time and you still love her. She loves you. You love each other.” Bobby gave him a scathing look that told him she thought he was a dumbass. “So unless she did something so heinous, which I doubt because you said it was your fault, I don’t understand why you won’t try to fix things with her. So, tell me, why’d you’d leave her?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Bull-shit. Bullshit. You’re like the obnoxious big brother I wish I never had. Which means it’s my duty as the pseudo little sister to make it my business. But more as your friend, I owe it to you to stop you from purposefully hurting yourself.”

Holden found it increasingly difficult to hold his temper in check. The last seven months had taken a toll. It was one thing to live with the shame when Charleigh and Faith lived in another state. It was easier to pretend he hadn’t screwed over a good woman. No, easier wasn’t the word, nothing had been easy. Nothing could ever erase the indignity of his actions.

And that was part of why there was no fixing what he’d done. He didn’t deserve Charleigh’s forgiveness.

“Holden—”

“She wanted kids. Lots of them,” he sneered.

“And? You didn’t?”

Hell yeah, he did. He wanted to give Charleigh everything she wanted. A big family, lots of love and laughter. He wanted to be a dad. Wanted it so badly, that when she came up pregnant his whole world shattered.

“I can’t have kids.”

A sour taste coated his tongue and his heart hurt so fucking bad his hand moved to his chest to massage the ache.

“What?” Bobby’s face crumbled and all the attitude left her features.

“I couldn’t give her what she wanted. What I wanted. One night we were lying in bed and she was whispering about our future. The house we’d live in, the family we’d make, the adventures we’d take our kids on and it hit me, I couldn’t give her that. There would be no family, no adventures, no kids.”

“Jesus, Holden, did it ever cross your mind the two of you could’ve adopted? You could’ve used a donor and had children that way?”

“No,” he admitted. “Nothing crossed my mind except I couldn’t give my woman what she wanted. I lay in that bed, next to the woman I loved more than anything, wanting nothing more than to be able to give her a family. And after she fell asleep in my arms my mind wouldn’t shut off. All I could think about were my shortcomings. All the pain she’d go through because of me. Adoption doesn’t always lead to a happy ending. Birth parents can change their minds and take the baby back. I didn’t want that for her. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to find a man who could give her everything I couldn’t. I didn’t want fertility doctors and disappointment. So I let her go. Only, I didn’t know how goddamned painful it would be.”

Never having admitted the truth, Holden felt like he’d run a marathon with a hundred-pound ruck on his back. His chest heaved and his muscles ached just from uttering the words. No one knew why he’d left Charleigh. No one knew he’d been exposed to radiation and he’d had to go to appointment after appointment to be tested and prodded.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.” Bobby took a step in his direction, her face red with fury. “You didn’t get to make that decision for her.”

Suddenly facing the happy, smiling people at Alec’s Christmas brunch didn’t seem so bad. Actually, facing a firing squad would be preferable to discussing his sperm count with Bobby.

“We’re not—”

“You know what?” Bobby exploded. “You’re right, we’re not…I’m so unbelievably pissed at you right now. I cannot believe you made an important life-changing decision by yourself. I cannot believe you’re that guy. I love you, Holden, and once I’m over the shock of you being a total asshole, I’ll be back. And when I am, we’re finishing this conversation, so you’d better find a pair of big boy underwear, Holden, because I’m gonna make you fix this. If for no other reason so you both can move on.”

With that ass-reaming, Bobby turned and stomped to the door. Her hand arrested in mid-air as she reached to push open the door. Her neck craned, and her face was bleached when she asked, “Do