to the motel and head out of town. I didn’t take no for an answer when Damon tried to keep me from her. I didn’t do a damn thing until I’d spoken to her.
I want to speak to her now.
I want to do more than speak to her. I want to be back in that bedroom with the door shut and kiss her until she moans. I want to feel her body underneath mine. I want to hear the way she whispers my name in her ear.
I reach for the phone in my pocket and pull back at the last minute. That phone belongs to The Firm. There’s another one snugged beside it. Mine.
I let my mind wander to her. Her soft skin. Her pouty lips. Her wide, dark eyes. Her trust.
It takes no time at all to pull up her number. To see her name on the screen. She hasn’t messaged. I haven’t messaged her either, even though we’re both aware there’s plenty to discuss. It feels as though we’re just getting started. It’s thrilling, but in a way that’s filled with uncertainty.
Be ready for me tonight. I have a few things to work out, then I’ll be over like I promised.
There’s a slight pause, and then she replies.
Zander?
A smirk pulls my lips up, realizing she didn’t have this number. Yes. This is my number now. Use it as often as you’d like.
I will. Not another second passes before she tells me, I miss you.
It’s hard to read her tone from a text message, but I imagine it’s soft. Open. She’s telling me something in honesty. In more of that trust I’ve come to crave.
I missed her too.
Ella
Emotional days suck the life out of you. I don’t know how or why, but it’s like they eat up all of your energy, leaving you exhausted, yet you’ve done nothing but drown in the thoughts of your own mind. Ever since this morning, since I asked Kamden and Damon for space, I’ve stared at my phone and wished it was my old one.
I want to listen to James’s voice message I listened to on repeat a year and a half ago. I want to tell my friends I miss him and hear them tell me they miss him too. All of my pictures, all of our conversations. It hit me harder than I thought it would bringing up what happened during that meeting. Every day, I know he died. Every day, I know I tried to kill myself because I didn’t want to be alone anymore and I felt so damn alone. It was like the world went dark and the only light I could see was by ending it. It happened quickly, yet slowly just the same. I didn’t realize I’d fallen down that path until it was the only one. Everything else vanished and it was all I had left. It was my only escape from grief.
It’s a ball in a box. Grief really is an unforgiving ball in a stupid little box.
I stare back down at my phone as I sniffle and wish I could take that text and send it to James. I miss you.
Is it wrong that I miss them both? I can tell one and he chooses not to respond. But I can’t even tell the other. My first love. The man I thought I was going to spend my life with.
I’m busy pulling the sheet up to my neck, its pristine white silky fabric not coming anywhere near my eyes in case my mascara is smudged when there’s a knock at the door.
The shock comes with the knowledge that it’s been so long since anyone has asked permission to enter.
“Come in,” I answer calmly, lifting myself to sit up on my bed, glancing in the vanity mirror. I meant to change before Zander came, but time has flown by. The silk cuffs of my pajamas are proof I lost it earlier, and I find myself cupping my hands over the bits tainted with black mascara to cover them as he enters.
The door opens slowly, creaking as it does. Zander’s steps are measured and he takes his time, closing the door. My heart does a pitter-patter as if a prince has come to kiss my sleeping lips and bring me back to life. What a handsome knight in shining armor he is.
He wears a devilish smirk as his gaze roams down my body. Every inch he takes in blazes with a desperate need to be