His Other Half (Patches Tarkio MC, #3) - Debra Kayn Page 0,39
life.
Every day fighting the natural tendency to love her father for the man she remembered as a child and hating herself for the man he'd become as if it was her fault he'd sold her to Askook. Waking up each morning, wondering if Askook would find her and force her to go with him to the casino. The guilt of knowing Askook had probably kidnapped Cami because of some warped way of getting back at her never left her mind.
"Sh." Paco forced her face into his neck. "God damnit, Josie. I don't know what to do."
Cradled on his lap, she wasn't going to open her eyes. To see his disgust looking back at her would kill her.
Why had he read her journal? Why couldn't he have left it alone? Left her alone.
There was no going back to how it was with him. He would always see her as the victim of her father's dealings. He would always see her as a Blackfoot woman.
Her heritage would be looked down on as if everyone on the reservation had lived like her, and it wasn't true. The majority of the Blackfoot people were honest, loving, strong, and loyal.
She'd brought shame to her people by letting her thoughts out.
There was no pride left inside of her.
"Sweetheart, talk to me," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.
She had nothing to say. He knew more than she'd ever want anyone to know.
Besides Paco, Askook—the asshole responsible for everything—was the only other person who knew the humiliation her father brought to her and had exposed her to a part of life she had no interest in.
Paco's hand trembled as he stroked her hair. "I'm not going to apologize for reading your journal. You were missing. I had to read the book, sweetheart. It's how I found out about your connection to the reservation."
"Along with knowing about the rumors circling Robert Shaw and the casino, I was able to get there fast enough to save you from a life that would've destroyed you. I promise that once I kill Shaw and get him and his men away from you, you'll be safe. You can have that life you deserve."
She lifted her head. It wasn't hopefulness but disconsolate at his belief that everything would change if Askook was dead that threatened to break her. His devotion would never change the fact that she wasn't good enough, loveable enough, wanted enough, for her own father to stand up and fight for her. Her father had handed her over in exchange to save himself.
Because she was worthless in his eyes.
And Paco, sitting here and holding her, was swearing on his life to save her. Her heart drummed in her chest. Paco had walked into her life, knowing the shame of her existence, and became the talisman of the perfect lover who was willing to die for her.
What made a man willing to do that? What was it about her that her father was selfish and incapable of loving her, but a practical stranger was willing to go to such extremes to keep her?
"Say something, Josie. I need to hear you." He cradled her head in his hands, holding her in front of him, forcing her to meet his gaze.
He had the ability to break her into a million pieces, and instead, he held her together.
She blurted. "You shouldn't have read my journal or broken into my apartment."
"You were missing. I needed to find you."
She pressed her lips together. She was thankful he'd searched for her and saved Cami, but the damage was done. How could he look at her without feeling disgust? What had he seen in her that everyone else couldn’t see?
"Hey." His hands tightened on her cheeks. "You did nothing wrong."
"Stop," she whispered.
"I'm fucking serious." He kissed her forehead. "What you lived through was not your doing. You survived, sweetheart. You're the strongest person I've ever known."
"I'm not." She closed her eyes, knowing what she'd put in her journal, what he'd read about her. Her fears were out there for him to see. "You know that. You've read it all."
"No, I don't see that." He kissed her nose, her cheeks, her chin. "If it takes the rest of my life, I'll prove how brave you are until you believe it. Someone weaker would never have made it out of what you went through."
"He sold me." Her throat tightened. "I watched Askook kill him, right in front of me. I did nothing."