In His Kiss - Ava Alise Page 0,60
cut recently. I shake my head and switch the bag to my other hand as I lift the lid of the trashcan. Once the bag is inside my eyes fall on the other side of the can. Five holes have been dug out of the fresh soil every few feet along the pathway. My brows furrow as I walk closer noticing fresh flowers dug up at the roots lying torn nearby.
Why would she be replanting in the middle of the summer? She was so proud of her daisies. Every year she plants her daisies along the side of the house in this spot. What would make her start over? I stare a few minutes longer, in a haze as my emotions weigh on my chest. I hate this, hate not knowing what to do. And each time I think of her, I feel more hatred for my father.
Slamming the trashcan lid, I stomp into the house after using my feet to brush some of the dirt off the steps. It smells a little better in here finally. Walking into the kitchen, I see the sandwich and water glass still waiting on the counter. I walk to it and notice a small white bag labeled Crown’s Pharmacy sitting neatly next to the sink. After pouring the water down the drain, I slide the plate into the refrigerator and grab the bag. I don’t know much about depression but I know that this isn't my mother. It's like all the life has been sucked out of her, and clearly, I'm not the only one who’s worried. Maybe I should talk to my father about this? The idea of facing him still hurts, but it’s been weeks and my mother isn’t getting any better.
My duffle bag flops on my back as I carry it along with the pharmacy bag my father left up the stairs. She didn’t see the note, so I'm sure she has no idea her medicine is here. Listening at her door, I don't hear anything, so I quietly tip toe inside the room.
“Hey baby,” she says, peaking at me from under the covers.
“Mom, how are you feeling?” My feet slide across the carpet as I walk over and sit on her bed.
“I’m just tired.” She sighs, rolling over toward me. Pulling the blanket back, I slide under the covers. “I brought your pills and your asthma inhaler up. I rub my hand over her shoulder, hoping to give her some sort of comfort. She snuggles deeper under her blanket and closes her eyes.
“Thank you, Jelly bean. Can you put the meds on my dresser? I’ll take them in the morning.”
“Sure,” I say sliding from the bed. She doesn’t look up at me again as I put the bag down and tip toe out the room, pulling the door closed behind me.
Sad, I make it into my old bedroom and toss my duffle bag onto my desk. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. The only thing I want to do right now is lay in bed and talk to Jordan. He’ll be gone for the next three days for the mandatory training thing but I could really use him right about now.
Quickly, I change into my pajamas and hop in bed. My thoughts are spinning. I hope like hell Mom’s condition is finally taking a turn for the better.
Curling into my blanket, I lie down, letting my body relax as I try to quiet my mind. I imagined Jordan lying next to me. He was right. If one of us had just opened up a long time ago, things would have been completely different. This weekend was—God, incredible. More than I could have ever imagined.
Closing my eyes, I think of how amazing it felt to be pressed against him. How my entire body screamed as my hands roamed his chest, how he teased me with his lips. And of course, how he admitted to being in love with me all those years. That’s the part that keeps taking my breath away. I’ve always had feelings for him and it’s unbelievable that he was struggling in the same way. I would have given him all of me. He was supposed to be my first, he was already my everything.
My hand slides over the smooth ridges of my mattress down the contours and along the seams where the pillow top meets with the upholstery and I imagine what could have been. Me and Jordan, not Craig, or any other guy. But everything is