His Horizon - Con Riley Page 0,76

closed behind him, Rob offered the postcards and said, “Do you want to—”

Jude shook his head again. Reading would be impossible with his eyes so blurry. “You,” was all that he could get out. He closed his eyes as soon as Rob started reading, his voice steady and low, one hand on Jude the whole time.

His dad had written so many more words onto each card, the further he travelled. “Angie’s doing fantastic,” was a highlight of this one. “Was meant to be me and Jude on this voyage, but now I think both Angie and I are glad that she took his place—turns out she’s a cracking sailor. Forty years with the woman, and she’s still full of surprises.” Rob cleared his throat before he read the closing sentences. “Keep thinking about seeing all these places with you for the first time, mate. You know I’m sorry, don’t you, Trev? Have been every day since I last saw you. I know you wanted me to lie so we wouldn’t both get the boot, but the biggest regret of my life was that I didn’t tell them all to get stuffed. I remember you and that day every single time I meet anyone else gay.”

His dad’s silence about the subject took on a brand new context.

Jude had more regrets about that than he knew what to do with.

Rob read the last postcard while wiping away easy tears that Jude almost envied, his own trapped behind a steep wall he’d spent years building brick-by-brick, maybe for no reason.

“When we get back, I want to talk to you about Jude,” Rob read, sounding about as choked as Jude felt. “Angie’s mentioned a few things about him that make a lot of sense, now I think about them. Maybe you could come to London with me? Book a table at that fancy restaurant he works at and get him talking. You know I’m rubbish with words—that’s Angie’s jurisdiction—but maybe if he sees I’ve got a gay friend, he’ll want to come home more often.”

“He knew.” Rob set the cards down before kneeling between Jude’s legs, shoring him up when that brick wall finally crumbled.

Rob whispered, “Your dad knew, and of course he still loved you,” while Jude sobbed like a baby.

27

The walk back to the hotel was a blur, Jude’s eyes as sore as his heart while Rob steered him in the right direction. He barely registered Rob opening the door to their suite while murmuring what-do-you-need questions that Jude couldn’t respond to, neither hungry nor thirsty when Rob asked. Stepping into the bath Rob ran for him was much simpler than speaking, his head tilted back against the curved rim of the tub as Rob sat on the floor, talking about nothing important, filling the silence as he ran careful fingers through Jude’s damp hair, as though he could feel his tension. Jude even stood still, passive as Rob dried him, blotting water with a towel like Jude was bruised rather than a grown man who should get his shit together.

Rob’s quiet, “Bed now?” was at least one question he could nod to, shedding the towel around his waist in the bedroom, sliding under sheets as soft as his sigh the moment his face met his pillow. Rob kissing his forehead then might have felt childlike if he hadn’t shed his clothes too and slid under the same sheets, their bare skin making contact from forehead to their toe-tips, his arms wrapped tight around Jude, hands sweeping up and down his back until a tide of sleep somehow washed in.

Waking later was confusing. Jude’s eyes were still sore and gritty, his throat parched from a dream of sailing into the wind, shouting for help the whole time.

“You thirsty?” Rob was right there, the moonlight casting the surface of the glass of water he held a shimmering silver. He took the glass back once Jude had finished. “What else do you need?”

What did he need?

Jude lay against the pillows again, pulling Rob down with him until their mouths met.

This.

This was what he needed more than anything on the planet: Rob braced on one elbow above him, kissing him sometime between midnight and dawn, his thumb sweeping under Jude’s eye like he might find more tears there. His lips touched the same place, salty where he kissed Jude next, flavour fainter as Jude opened his mouth, Rob’s tongue lush against his. His kisses were generous, always giving, time stopping as they twined tight—arms, legs,