His Horizon - Con Riley Page 0,37
out of me.”
“Did you fancy him?”
“No.” He glanced up in time to see something close to relief flash across her face. “That’s not how being gay works. Him wearing eyeliner didn’t make him my type. And even back then, something told me that anyone calling him queer was barking up the wrong tree. But I guessed from everyone’s reaction that I couldn’t stay here and be me. That’s when I felt like I lost Mum and Dad the first time,” he said, words almost punched out when Lou flew at him, her arms so tight around his middle. “Lou?”
“I only wish you’d told me. You know that, don’t you?” she said into his chest, dampening the same spot that she had when he’d returned home. “I’ve been up all night thinking about what it must have been like for you.”
That gave him pause. “You were thinking about how I felt?”
“Of course I was.” Lou let go, wiping her eyes. “What do you take me for, Jude?”
What had he taken her for? The same as his parents. He had for as long as he could remember.
“And why do you think being gay meant losing Mum and Dad, in the first place?” Her concern was so familiar, Jude could almost see their mother. “Is that really why you moved away and hardly ever came back?” She deflated at Jude’s nod. “You should have told me.”
The door opened with another tinkle, Rob calling out a warning. “Some tourists are heading this way.”
Of course there were, just when the whole village being deserted would be helpful.
Marc cursed in French before speaking in English. “Go through to my studio. I’ll let you know when they’re gone.”
Rob led the way through a door at the rear of the gallery. “Here,” he said, hesitating until Lou grabbed his hand and pulled him inside with them.
She cut to the chase right away, her eyes still damp but at least no longer leaking. “I still don’t know what I think,” she said, backing farther into a room filled with half-finished canvasses, splashes of rose gold featuring more often than the blue-green of the seascapes for sale. She crossed her arms as Marc had. “I feel like I need to think about everything I knew about Mum and Dad as well. They loved you so much, Jude. Talked about you all the time, so proud of you doing well in London.” And there were the tears again that Jude hated provoking. “What you said about them yesterday doesn’t mesh with that at all.” She hurried to add more. “I’m not saying what you thought doesn’t matter. I just… I can’t stop thinking how awful it must have felt for you to believe they’d ever turn their back on you.” She rubbed at her eyes leaving them even redder. “I’m so tired. I didn’t get a wink of sleep and I think that’s making wrapping my head around it harder.” She did look exhausted.
“How about we disappear?” Rob offered. “Me and Jude. Let you have some more space.”
“That… that might be good.”
“Jude?” Rob asked, his fingers brushing Jude’s, tentative, perhaps testing whether they were going to move forwards or backwards after everything that had happened. “You up for coming out with me for the day?” he asked, fingers brushing Jude’s again for a scant second, his gaze switching between Jude and his sister as if monitoring both of their reactions.
Jude nodded. “We could do that, if… if it’s okay with Lou?”
When she agreed, Rob grabbed his hand like two men touching that way was normal and pulled him towards a backdoor, only stopping when Lou asked, “Are… are you two going to be together? Seriously?” It was hard to make out what her tone meant, or Rob’s either when he answered.
“Seriously?” His pause was a beat too long for the casual tone of the rest of his answer. “That’s up to your brother.”
* * *
The alleyway behind the gallery was too narrow to walk side-by-side, but Jude still felt Rob’s grip, phantom-like as they descended the hill, as though their fingers were still threaded. When they rejoined one of the wider streets he almost expected Rob to reach for his hand again, wanted him to, he realised. Maybe that thought slowed him.
Rob glanced over his shoulder, the sun casting him the same warm gold as the paintings in Marc’s studio. It made the coolness of what he said next jarring. “We don’t have to.”
Jude stopped walking. “We don’t have to what?”
“Spend