His Forbidden Love (Manhattan Billionaires #2) - Ava Ryan Page 0,62

my big mouth tonight,” I say, unable to keep a tinge of bitterness out of my voice. “Maybe a relationship this intense is normal for you, but it’s not for me. I assure you.”

“I never said that.”

“So…you, what? You need a break? You don’t love me? You’ll never love me?”

“No, Ally,” he says, looking stricken. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

By this point, I’m so upset that I barely hear him.

“I hate that I’m asking you these questions. I hate that I’m being this needy woman,” I say, doing my best to keep my growing anguish under wraps. “But I need to know. And you’re not doing me any favors if you know I’m not the one for you and you don’t tell me.”

His mouth opens and his eyes widen. But no words come out for the longest time, which may be for the best. A guy with that look of utter paralysis on his face doesn’t have anything good to say.

“You’re putting words in my mouth,” he says. “You’re hearing things that I’m not saying.”

“Then what are you saying?” I say, dread making my voice thick.

There’s another delay while he tries to say the words, almost as though each one is kicking and screaming on the way up his throat and out of his mouth.

“I’m saying it’ll be okay. I just need to get there in my own time. When I’m ready.”

“When you’re ready,” I echo faintly.

Not exactly a hearty fuck you, but it sure feels like it. Especially after I just joyfully gave him my heart on a silver platter. With sprinkles on top.

At this dismal moment, I’m not exactly in the mood for this lame consolation prize when my own feelings are so clear and intense. What good is a couple of crackers and a dried-out slice of cheddar cheese when you’ve been hoping for a sumptuous buffet?

Nor am I quite ready to end this conversation.

Even so, this is another opportunity for me to slink away and end the pain before it gets any worse. I’d be a fool not to take it. But the two of us have come so far together, and things with him are a million times better than I ever imagined they would be. I had a good life before. I was satisfied. But with Michael? I don’t know how to explain it other than to say he makes my soul feel as though it’s glowing with molten gold.

Maybe I’m fatally stupid, but I can’t let him go. Not without a bigger fight than this.

I think of all the fun we’ve shared since we got together and experience more of that unfettered happiness. I’m sure some of this must show on my face as I ease closer and do my best to explain myself in a calm and rational manner.

“Here’s the thing,” I say quietly. “I’m ready now. I’m a grown thirty-two-year-old woman. I’ve dated people. I know what I need from a relationship. Which means that I don’t need time to figure this out with you. As far as I’m concerned, you don’t need a probationary period to earn a place in my life. Because I already know that you’re it.”

He stares at some distant point past my shoulder, still except for a muscle pulsing in his jaw as the corners of his mouth turn down.

“I’m done with my training now,” I say, determined to get it all out before my remaining courage dwindles to nothing. “My career is in a good place. I want a family. I want kids. What I don’t want to do is waste my time with someone who doesn’t feel the same way.”

“Understood,” he says after an endless silence, still not looking at me.

I blink as those three syllables reverberate through the air, desperately searching for some sign of Michael and finding only the Sphinx with all his barrier walls and razor wire firmly in place.

Wait, what?

Understood?

That’s it? I pour my heart out—again—and I get an understood?

What does that even mean?

“Yeah, okay,” I say with a humorless laugh, finally done with this conversation. “I can’t believe I was actually going to suggest that we live together when my lease ends.”

His head whips back around. “What?”

“Just because, I don’t know, we’ve spent every single night together since we became a couple.” I take a beat to rein in some of my runaway emotions, because I do not plan to cry tonight. “And because I’m obviously not great at reading the room. Anyway, doesn’t matter now. Time for you