the wave of terror that came, even though she’d said it to no one but herself. The horrible blast of foreboding made her stomach heave. But she held fast against it. And eventually it receded.
She loved him. The feelings scared her. Thrilled her. He’d said he loved her, several times. He didn’t seem to mind that she didn’t say it back, but he understood so many things about her, without her having to give them voice.
Dr. Taylor kept inserting warnings about that in their conversations, but as long as Rory knew what was going on in her heart, she didn’t know why she had to rip herself apart, trying to pull what was inside out and express those feelings with words. The last time she’d tried had been at Tyler’s party. She’d almost thrown herself blindly into the marsh and attracted the attention of a Dungeon Master. Most damning, she’d worried Rory, Des and Julie.
She wasn’t obtuse, her word of the week. She knew Dr. Taylor was right, and so was Marguerite. Lately both women’s words came at her so often she felt like she was hearing voices.
But life was so good now. And she’d worked so hard to get here. So very hard. Didn’t she deserve to just…be for a while?
When she brushed up against those times where words might be needed and she didn’t have them, the anxiety would set in. And underneath the anxiety was a slumbering dragon that slept far too lightly.
When it woke, it told her she would fall short and lose it all because she couldn’t hold onto the things that mattered in the ways other people could. When she tried, she kept hitting the wall, and it was just too much, too big.
Why should she tear herself apart when things were going so well? Rory was happy with her, and his pleasure and approval balanced her world.
She was standing in bright sunlight by staying away from the shadows. If the clouds came, they would have to come looking for her. She wouldn’t go looking for them.
Chapter Nineteen
The day of the reunion, Elaine stopped by the store and suggested Daralyn come to their house to get dressed that night.
After his mother bustled back to the parking lot, Rory tossed Daralyn an amused look. “You know she’s going to take a million pictures.”
Daralyn was glad to be going to Elaine’s, though. It minimized the chance she would cut and run. As the week progressed, she’d been getting more and more nervous about the night, making her wonder if she really was as ready for this as she believed she was. But she’d handled Tyler’s party, school, going out on a double date. She had to be ready for this. She was ready for this.
A few hours later, she was in the upstairs guest room at Elaine and Rory’s house, sitting in a chair in front of a mirror, letting Elaine work on her hair. Earlier, Daralyn had showered in the bathroom she’d once shared with Les and Rory. When she’d come into this room to unzip the garment bag that had held her dress all week, a whole new group of butterflies took off in her chest. Amanda had said it was perfect. She’d sent a picture of it to Les, and Rory’s sister had gushed over it. “Oh God, Daralyn. Rory is going to be blown away.”
Daralyn worried it was too much. But surely Elaine would have said if it was, when helping her with alterations. Instead, she’d only echoed what Les and Amanda had said. She’d also said she was going to help Daralyn do an upswept hair style that would go well with the formal style of the dress.
Daralyn had planned to leave it down, since Rory liked it that way, but Elaine insisted he would be pleased. Once Daralyn was dressed, Elaine had joined her to fix it up. Rory’s mother winked as she tucked a hair comb embellished with a small rhinestone dragonfly into Daralyn’s gleaming brown tresses. “Sometimes a man likes taking a woman’s hair down. Don’t tell him I was the one who said it, though. It will traumatize him, his mother knowing things like that.”
It helped to listen to Elaine, whose flow of words was like a calm, gurgling brook. Daralyn also wore Rory’s heart bracelet on one wrist. Elaine was loaning her a necklace for the night that was so pretty Daralyn had tried to give it back, afraid she’d lose it.