this.’ She motioned to their simple champagne lunch, the sleek carbon hulk of the vessel.
‘Tell me about it,’ Mats said. ‘I’m the proverbial wanderer. I don’t do more than a season anywhere.’
‘No? Where’s next for you?’
‘New Zealand. I’m part of the team for the America’s Cup next Spring.’
‘Oh wow! That’s incredible.’
‘Yep. Living the dream. I’m leaving in a few weeks, actually. Sailing myself down to Auckland to start getting things in order.’ He looked at her. ‘Are you going to stay in Sweden, do you reckon?’
Bell patted Linus on the head. ‘Well, certainly until this one becomes a teenager and refuses to sit on the naughty step any more,’ she joked. At least, she had intended it as such, but the words tapped a wellspring of deep emotion she hadn’t known was there. Talking about this wasn’t in the least bit funny.
‘And when you’ve outlived your usefulness? Go travelling again?’
‘Yeah, maybe,’ she shrugged lackadaisically, trying not to acknowledge the sense of panic that idea stoked in her. The thought of leaving her life here – her friends, her little apartment, the Mogerts, Linus especially . . . He blinked back at her, his green eyes deep and soulful, so like his father’s.
It was impossible to imagine it, not having him or any of them in her life any more. It was true, she hadn’t envisaged this version she was living without Jack; but she had found perfect strangers and moulded them into a family of her own. They were all she had. They were all she was. They were her life now.
She looked over at Emil, seeing his sense of separateness like a cloak upon his shoulders. She got it, suddenly. She understood why he was so intent upon getting his family back, and why he couldn’t move on; his dogged refusal to let Hanna go or to concede defeat to Max. It wasn’t down to ego or will or a rich man’s spoiled whim. It was simple. Without them, the man who had everything, had nothing.
‘Okay, is it clear?’ she yelled down.
Emil looked back at her. ‘We’re in three-hundred-metre depth! What do you think could possibly be in your way?’
The crew laughed, whether from obedience or genuine amusement she wasn’t sure.
She cringed. ‘A whale?’
They all laughed harder, even Emil. ‘It’s fine.’
‘Okay then, I’m ready,’ she said, facing the horizon, her gaze high, arms by her sides.
‘Wait! This better not just be a dive. You said this was going to be good!’ Mats hollered. ‘Unless you’re going to do a penguin dive?’
‘Oi!’ she grinned. ‘Just you wait. And don’t give him here ideas!’ She winked down at Linus, standing behind her, then took a deep breath. ‘Right, count me in.’
‘Three – two – one!’ they all cried, and she walked forward two steps, raised her arms up and leapt . . .
The men were cheering when she surfaced a moment later.
‘A reverse pike?’ Emil asked, looking shocked as she swam over to him, away from the diving point.
‘Agh, I was a fraction out on the entry. But you know, it’s been four years, so . . .’
‘Where did you learn to do that?’
‘I lived on a boat for three years. Getting into the water elaborately becomes a vital source of amusement, believe me.’
They were treading water, his eyes looking particularly startling against his tan and slicked-back hair and she realized it was a good thing he wore his shades so much. He might have dismissed their night together, but she hadn’t. Couldn’t. ‘Well, I guess you really have raised the stakes,’ he said, looking impressed.
‘My turn!’ Linus hollered, and they turned to see him standing on the edge of the boat.
‘What are you going to do?’ she called up.
‘The penguin!’
‘No!’ she said quickly. ‘It’s too high from there, you’ll hurt your head!’ But she was too late. With his arms pinned to his sides, he dived in head first. ‘Linus!’ she chided, as he surfaced seconds later with a triumphant look. ‘You could have hurt yourself!’
‘But I didn’t!’
‘But you could have done.’ Her nerves were frayed again. One moment dormant, the next tingling.
‘But I didn’t. I’m okay.’
‘You did a great job, bud,’ Emil said, interrupting them, playing good cop again, overruling her. ‘Right, my turn. You can decide what I do this time.’ He turned away and swam over to the boat, hauling himself onto the ladder, muscles taut as he heaved himself out of the water.
‘Do the penguin!’ Linus cried. ‘See if you can do it as good as