‘Always so damned prompt,’ she said with a single shake of her head, but below the withering top notes, he heard despair.
‘Hanna, we need to talk about this –’ He reached for her hand again, but she withdrew it quickly and began patting her eyes dry with her fingertips. Several moments later, she was remade again – no trace left of her distress – and she looked back at him with her usual composure. It was an incredible thing to witness, to see the mask being put back on.
‘It’s fine, honestly. There’s really nothing to say, anyway. My mind is made up.’ She pushed back her chair and rose, her meaning clear – the rest of the dinner party was arriving; their precious time alone together was already up. ‘I’m leaving him.’
Chapter Twenty-Six
‘You’ve got to keep it together,’ Nina said, watching from her spot on the armchair as he criss-crossed the room.
‘I am.’
‘No. You’re like a tiger in one of those zoos – pacing, pacing, pacing. You’re setting me on edge, and I’m already one gin and tonic into my afternoon.’ She watched as he tracked a figure of eight around the settle and past the ottoman. ‘At least take those sunglasses off. It’s quite disturbing looking at you wearing those things in the house.’
‘It’s not a fashion statement, Nina,’ he said through gritted teeth, wishing she would stop telling him what to do. ‘It’s helping with my –’ He suddenly grimaced and doubled over, clutching his head between his hands. The room had gone black, but his mind was alive with colour, images flashing past in an incomprehensible flash – faces, noises, pain. And Hanna. Always Hanna. Her clear eyes, a streak of her pale hair, the dazzling whiteness of her perfect teeth. And then the darkness enfolding him like a mother’s arms, taking him away, keeping him safe . . .
He came to. Still standing, albeit stooped, Nina with her arm around him, a look he’d never seen in her eyes before.
Fear.
‘I’m calling Cathy,’ she said, guiding him over to a chair. He sank into it without protest, feeling his body slowly start to relax again, nerve ending by nerve ending. He knew the rhythm now. The pain built up in waves, whipping to a crescendo before dropping him like a body from a plane, no parachute.
‘I’m fine.’
‘Clearly not.’
‘She was here yesterday,’ he mumbled. ‘Just before you arrived. She ran the usual tests and there’s nothing more sinister at play. It’s just the concussion. It’ll pass. She’s told Måns what to watch out for, don’t worry.’
‘Well, I do. It’s irksome, but there you have it. It’s not like I’ve not got enough to think about, without worrying your head is going to explode at any moment.’ She sniffed. ‘God, that would ruin the rugs.’
Even through his pain, he managed a smile. ‘I’ll do my best to avoid the rugs, then.’
She rewarded him with a half-smile as she retrieved her drink from the side table and sank back into her chair, watching him. ‘What time is everyone coming?’
‘From now. Linus is down there, waiting for them.’
‘Hmph. Anyone would think he’s missed them. Sentimental little thing, isn’t he?’
‘If by sentimental you mean loving, then yes.’
Nina took a sip of her drink, staring at the ice cubes as they clattered gently. ‘It’s funny that the nanny didn’t come back.’
He looked at her, hearing the slice in her tone. ‘Funny ha-ha?’
‘A shame,’ she said. ‘I rather liked her. Thought she had spirit.’
‘She certainly has energy,’ he muttered.
‘What did you do to scare her off?’
‘I didn’t do anything.’ That was the truth, at least. He had done nothing. Let her go. Made her leave –
Nina arched an eyebrow. ‘Emil, please. I am not a fool,’ she drawled. ‘She clearly had an impact on you.’
‘How?’ he snapped. ‘In what way? What was the impact she had on me?’
‘Well, she seemed to bring up your . . . what’s the word? . . . anima.’
‘My what?’
‘You know, your life force. You seemed more alive whenever she was around.’
‘Nina, you can’t be more alive. You’re either alive or dead. There’s no –’ He stopped short. He was the living proof that there was a middle ground. ‘Look, if I seemed more lively, it was because Linus was here. She’s just the nanny. She was only ever supposed to be here for a few days to help Linus settle in, until he and I got to know one another.’
Her eyes narrowed interestedly. ‘You know, you always say