Suddenly, it was like a torment to keep her palm still where it was on his chest when she wanted to let it drift down, explore more of his body.
“Yes,” he said gruffly.
“So when I used to get in bed with you...”
“When you started coming to my room I made sure that I was always dressed. I slept that way until after you quit coming.”
She blinked into the darkness. “For me?”
“I always wanted you to trust me, Sammy. But this... We can’t share a bed like that. Not now. It’s too late. It changed already and it can’t go back.”
“Well, I didn’t take my clothes off for fun,” she said. Then she laughed. “Actually, I did.”
“What are you doing?”
“No one’s ever made me feel like that before. And I want to feel it again.”
“I’m not just going to give you an orgasm and let it be done.”
“I didn’t expect you to.”
“Sammy...”
She scrabbled across the mattress and threw her thigh over his body, so that she was sitting on top of him. The hard length of him was settled between her legs, and she gasped.
She had a much better idea of his size in this position than she had last night. But then, she had barely touched him last night. And she could touch him now. All over.
She had never... She had never been with a man like this.
And moreover, she had never been with her friend. Both of those things combined to make this feel entirely new and different. Frightening and exciting and exhilarating.
She slowly let her fingertips drift across his chest. Across his chest hair. And she shuddered.
His hands came up, grabbing hold of her hips, holding her steady against him.
And his eyes blazed up into hers.
He was so handsome, her friend.
She had always felt a sense of pride about that.
That her protector was such a beautiful piece of art.
A man carved from stone. That perfect, square jaw and blade of a nose. His intense eyes and large hands. Broad shoulders.
He was wonderful. Wonderful in every way.
But she had never appreciated him physically in quite this way before.
And again she had to wonder at the inevitability of it.
She imagined most people would have thought that they’d done it a long time ago.
But it really hadn’t been about this. Because then it couldn’t have been.
And now it felt like it had to be.
So who was she to deny either of them?
She leaned down, ready to kiss his mouth, when he shifted his hands, bringing them behind her to cup her butt, squeezing her hard. She gasped. Then those big, rough hands started roaming over her bare body, her back between her shoulder blades and back down again. She gritted her teeth, trying to keep herself still. But her hips were rocking involuntarily, and it was difficult for her to keep herself steady.
“Let me,” she whispered.
He growled, and suddenly she found herself flat on her back with him over her, his eyes looking into hers.
“No,” he said. “Let’s get one thing straight. I held myself back for a lot of years. And you bringing it here like this... Baby, I am not going to sit back and let you take control. You chose this. You’re here. That was your power move.”
“I knew you wanted me,” she whispered, not quite sure what possessed her to say it out loud. Except that she wanted to find her own a little bit, and with him so hard and dark and powerful above her it was difficult to do that. It was difficult to breathe, much less feel power.
“Hell, yes,” he said. “I want you. And I did my damnedest not to. Because you used to climb in my bed like this when you were sixteen years old.”
“And you think I didn’t know what happened between men and women back then? I wasn’t a virgin.”
What would she have thought if Ryder would have looked at her this way then? If he would have touched her then?
“I know that,” he said. “But that wasn’t the point. You came to me for protection. You trusted me. I would never have done anything to violate that. But now you’re here.” He planted his palm firmly between her breasts, let one finger drift over and touch her nipple. “You’re here and you’re like this. So you’re the one that made it...”
“I want you, too,” she said.
“You better the hell,” he said. “Because I don’t want you here just because you’re trying to manipulate me, or say sorry to me,