The Hero of Hope Springs - Maisey Yates Page 0,110

me why I do things? What I feel?”

“I know you,” she said. “It was never sugar cubes. It was never the sugar cubes. You couldn’t resist the pitiful girl folded up in the corner of your barn. And you took me and you made the best of me just like you did every other thing that’s been thrown at you in your life. And I can’t live in that forever. And you shouldn’t, either.”

“That’s not it,” he said. “I was a man...a boy...drowning in responsibilities. Absolutely and completely dragged under the water with them. And you... You were my first glimpse of sunlight in all that time. Sammy Marshall, when I saw you I saw salvation and I reached a hand out. You’re right. It was never the sugar cubes. It was you.”

He cupped her face, his eyes searing into hers. “Your hand. Your face. Your eyes. I wanted you from the moment that I first saw you, and I was willing to love you in the way that I could, in the way that you could take, in the way that it could be for all that time, but it’s over now. The time for waiting. The time for holding back.”

“I think that you believe that. I really do. But I don’t think it’s true. I think there’s more at play here than that. And I just... It’s not the life I want.” She sucked in a sharp breath, and she prepared to do one thing that she had never done to him before.

“Why?”

“I never wanted love. I didn’t ask for it. Don’t keep me caged. You know I can’t stand that.”

He nodded once. “Sure. But I need you to know something. I’m not your father. And if you look at me and ask me for love, you won’t get my fist. You’ll just get my heart.”

“I know that,” she said. “Don’t you think I know it? And it doesn’t make this any easier. But I won’t live a life that I don’t want. I was born into one. I’ll never stay in one. Our child deserves more than that.”

Those last words burned. Because she was lying. And using the baby along with it. And he might not thank her now. He might hate her now. But he would’ve only hated her later. And that... That would have been unendurable.

The cost.

The cost of waiting for a punch—not to her face—but to her soul. That was the one thing she couldn’t fathom.

To take away all her protective layers and to be destroyed later. When her walls were down.

By the one person that she wanted to trust. That she wanted. More than anything.

“I think that later you’ll understand,” she said. “I’m protecting us.”

“I’ve walked away from you a number of times,” he said. “The time I first tasted you in the camper. After the first time we had sex, I let you walk away. And I didn’t say anything. I’m not going to walk away now. And I’m not going to let you walk away without hearing this. You’re running scared, baby. I know you. Nobody else knows you the way that I do. And I can see it. And that’s why you’re running. Because you’re scared of something. You let me rescue you once. You let me fight for you. Let me fight for you now. Trust me.”

“You’re right. You did rescue me. And you’ve done it a hell of a lot more than once. I can’t rely on you to do that forever. I have to go out and figure out how to rescue myself. Otherwise... If I lose you I’ll be left with nothing. I’ll be nothing more than a sad, spineless... I’ll be my mother. I can’t. For our baby I can’t.”

“And what about me? Where will I fit? Because I’m not going to be a favorite uncle, Sammy. I am his father, and I will be a father.”

His eyes were hard, blazing with emotion, and she couldn’t bear to look at him. “No, of course... I’m not... I’ll never keep the baby from you, Ryder, but that’s not us. I can’t do us.”

And so she did walk away. And she had to swim across the damn river, crawl out naked and shivering and disgraced, rather than feeling cherished and sensual as she had done when she’d been carried into the river. She gathered her clothes, and she dressed. And he was still standing there watching her. True to his word, he wasn’t gone. True to his