on the Olympics is actually doing a disservice. Because we, as athletes, put ourselves through a blender of training and injuries and triumph and shame. There’s so much pressure to be the best—that’s why these athletes turn to things like doping. I needed to take my pain away, so I turned to alcohol. And I think if we talk about that, if I talk about it, maybe I can help some other athletes out there who, just like you did last night, are beating themselves up for being less than perfect. I want to tell those athletes that they don’t have to be perfect, and tell the public that this pressure we put on athletes to perform like monkeys for an adoring public can do real damage.”
Tim stared at Isaac for a long moment. That was one of the reasons Tim had no regrets about being out publicly. If he could show someone struggling that being gay was okay, that there was no reason he or she couldn’t reach for the stars, then everything was worth it. “That’s… that’s amazing, Isaac. I think that’s a really worthwhile message. But I think you also have to be sure. If you say all that out loud, a lot of people will be angry.”
“Maybe it’s time to muddy up the glossy sheen on the Games. We’re not all machines. There are athletes here who struggle with all kinds of things. They have addictions, they have a hard time making ends meet, they have injuries that will never heal completely or chronic illnesses, they’ve dealt with racism or homophobia or any number of things.”
Tim nodded. “Do you plan to talk about me?”
“No. I mean, I thought about that too, because I think you’re a part of the story now, but I can leave you out, if you’d prefer.”
“I would. Just because I don’t need the distraction right now.” Tim exhaled sharply, suddenly picturing the platform final crowded with reporters who wanted to talk not about tucks and pikes but rather about Isaac, about their relationship and what it all meant and…. Not to mention, if Pat was still around and somebody recognized him…. Tim didn’t want that to overshadow everything.
Because there’d been a time when it had. He and Pat had been in the midst of one of the most vicious arguments they’d ever had, and things had been unresolved when Tim had gotten on a plane to Helsinki for Worlds. They’d been arguing about money too; Pat wanted access to Tim’s bank accounts, but Tim had been reluctant and yet still unable to say out loud that he didn’t trust Pat, not entirely. Tim had successfully pushed the whole matter out of his mind to focus on the preliminary rounds, but then, right before finals, Pat appeared.
Of all the times for Pat to get over himself. There had been a hundred meets at which Tim had looked longingly into the stands, hoping the man who supposedly loved him would be there, cheering him on. But Pat never came—he was always busy—so Tim had resigned himself to do this alone. So it figured that when Pat did finally show up at a meet, he did it with what looked like an entourage, waltzing into the city with a bunch of reporters and photographers on his heels. In fact, he talked to reporters before saying a word to Tim, so the reporters hounded Tim on his way into the finals. Pat then made a big show of being the supportive boyfriend, waving and cheering from the stands. It was bad enough that nothing between them had been resolved, but on top of that, Tim was so thrown off, he’d missed most of his dives and finished a dismal eleventh out of twelve. Afterward Pat had said, “But I thought this was what you wanted.” And Tim had said nothing because he couldn’t figure out how to tell Pat that he wanted the support, but not like this. He didn’t think Pat would understand the distinction.
He didn’t need any of that here. No Pat, no reporters, no photographers, nobody wanting to ask him about his relationship or his sexuality or any of it. He was in great physical shape, he felt prepared, and he was in a good place mentally. That medal was his to lose, like Donnie kept saying. The last thing he needed was that cloud of microphones and cameras in his face.
Except that Pat was still here in the city. He hadn’t shown