been suddenly beset by a fresh wave of biliousness, she would have laughed at her dear friend’s antics. “The illness should subside in a few weeks’ time, according to Dr. Hayes. But I shall have another problem forthwith. My gowns will all need to be altered.”
Her friend’s frown deepened. “You shall have to have them taken in, do you mean? You do look terribly thin, dearest. I did not want to say so, but there you have it. Honesty is best, or at least that is what my mother always said. Has your physician given you anything to ease this illness of yours?”
Hyacinth rolled her lips inward and shook her head. “I am afraid there is no cure save time.”
“Time?”
“Most ladies in a delicate condition are only ill initially,” she said, the closest she could bring herself to making a complete confession.
Somehow, acknowledging the truth aloud seemed more terrifying than keeping it trapped within her mind. She was going to be a walking scandal soon. A quiet life in the country for her would be in order. As for Tom, he never need know. She would not burden him. After all, if he had missed her at all in the last fortnight, surely he would have sent a note or called upon her.
His silence has spoken volumes.
“Ladies in a delicate condition,” Lottie repeated. “Hyacinth, what are you saying?”
“I am with child, Lottie,” she admitted at last.
There. The words had been spoken.
She felt as if a burden had been lifted from her chest. Ever since the doctor’s visit to her, she had been stricken. Having spent all the years of her marriage barren, she had never supposed herself capable of carrying a child. There was something bittersweet about the prospect of becoming a mother now. Also something utterly terrifying.
Lottie shrieked and rose from her chair as if it had suddenly turned to flame and she feared catching her tournure on fire. “Enceinte? Hyacinth! You cannot be. I cannot believe it. How? My God. Whose? Is it Sidmouth’s?”
Hyacinth winced. “Do cease shrieking, Lottie. And have a seat. You are making me seasick with all your carrying on. Of course it is Sidmouth’s. He is the only lover I have taken.”
And he would be the last. She had resolved upon it, before she had confirmed the growing fears that she was pregnant. She had her widow’s portion. She could sell off her jewels. Retire somewhere. Find a cottage. Her mind was already spinning with plans.
“Have you told him?” Lottie asked, sinking back into her chair, quite as if her legs had given out on her.
“No, and nor shall I,” she was quick to answer. “Our affaire is over. He has not attempted to contact me once in the last fortnight, and I expect he has already quite moved on and is charming the next lady.”
Oh, how it hurt her heart to admit that aloud.
“I do not know, Hyacinth.” Lottie’s expression was torn. “Do you truly believe him that inconstant? He hardly seems the sort.”
“I scarcely know him.” The prick of tears in her eyes could not be ignored. Heavens, she was such a watering pot these days. “But I feel certain he would not have simply ignored me for the last fortnight if he cared.”
“You have ignored him as well,” Lottie pointed out. “And you are the one who disappeared, are you not?”
Hyacinth swallowed against a renewed wave of bile rushing up her throat. When would this misery cease? “I hardly disappeared.”
“That is not what you said.”
She pinned her friend with a glare. “Whose side are you on? You are my friend, are you not?”
“Of course I am on your side, and I am your friend. Your best friend, I hope.” Lottie hesitated. “Which is why I feel compelled to counsel you in your best interest. You have broken not one but two cardinal rules of taking a lover. You fell in love with him, and now you are carrying his child.”
“I hardly set out to do either of those things.” Tears welled in her eyes, and this time, they would not be quelled. They ran down her cheeks, hot, shameful. “I thought I was barren. I had believed there was no possible means for such an event to occur. And I certainly never meant to fall in love with him…”
A sob wracked her.
“Oh, my dearest.” Lottie rose once more and crossed the room, this time sinking to the settee at her side and gathering a comforting arm around her shoulders. “Do not