Kate could handle it. He was always there, and she was used to him.
Kate noticed a T-shirt and what looked like a pair of pajama bottoms neatly folded at the foot of the bed. Alan said: “In case you wanted something to wear.” She realized that Alan, ever since she’d confessed to him that she hadn’t done this in a while, had been overly careful with her. She pulled her dress over her head, unhooked and took off her bra, and slid next to him. The sheets were crisp and cool, and Alan pulled her in close to his thin, warm body. His hand slipped around one of her breasts. His mouth still tasted like wine.
She woke at dawn, the bedroom’s only window suffused in a pearly gray light. Alan was snoring lightly, one of his hands resting on her hip. Standing over them was George Daniels. He was holding his hunting rifle in one hand. With his other he was unzipping his pants. He smiled at her, his mouth a gaping hole, without teeth. Kate wondered where his teeth were, then realized they were in her own mouth, a pile of them, rattling around like little sharp-edged marbles, choking her.
She woke again. The window looked the same, glowing dimly in the dawn, but there was no George, and Alan’s hand was no longer on her hip. Her heart was skipping a little too fast, and her skin was damp with sweat. It was just George, in her dreams again, the only place he could reach her. She slid out of the bed and walked naked to the bathroom. She flipped the switch, and a harsh, bright light—four oversized bulbs above the vanity—flooded the bathroom. She closed her eyes, then opened them slightly to allow them time to adjust. Her mouth was dry, and she drank cool, tinny water directly from the faucet. Then she looked at herself in the full-length mirror, her nakedness making her acutely aware of what had just happened. It had been good. More than good, really. They’d kissed for a while, touching each other shyly under the sheets. It was very clear that Alan was taking things slow, and she’d started to regret telling him she had baggage, but after she removed her own underwear and asked him if he had a condom, he took charge, slowly at first, then, after he was inside of her, with a sense of purpose that George, awkward and needy, had never had. She’d enjoyed it, even though she’d felt at a remove, watching the proceedings, desperately happy that it was happening, but never entirely in the moment. Afterward, Alan had buried his head in the space between her neck and shoulder and let the full weight of his body press against hers. She could feel the breath moving in and out of his lungs, and the sticky warmth between their skin. It had been her favorite moment. She’d touched the tip of her tongue against the side of his neck just to taste him. Thinking of it now, she still felt relief that she had finally been with someone besides George Daniels, but she was also anxious. Despite the way that Alan made her feel, she barely knew him.
She turned the light off, and the bathroom went black. She found the doorknob and stepped into the dimly lit hallway. Back in the bedroom, Alan still slept, his face planted into a pillow, one leg kicked out from under the comforter.
Quietly, Kate collected her clothes and left to dress in the bathroom. Seeing him lying there—innocently asleep—had caused a flutter of fear in her stomach. It was the way George Daniels had always slept, flipped onto his stomach, a hand tucked under his chin.
It’s just the way Alan sleeps, she told herself. He’s not George.
But she could feel the good feelings she’d just felt about Alan evaporating away. It was like a rapid change in the weather.
She dressed and left his apartment, walked to her side of the building. She didn’t see anyone, but the sound of her shoes on the tiled floor made her feel as though the entire apartment building knew where she had been.
Back behind her closed door, she felt her mind starting to race out of her control. She barely knew Alan. He’d been obsessed with a woman in the building who was now dead. After meeting her once in the courtyard, he’d showed up at the restaurant where she was eating dinner. He’d probably