had to grab onto my soul to keep it from leaving my body, claiming a piece of it as his own before giving me a part of his. That melded our life spans. It made my body and soul his, but my heart and mind still belonged to Paul, and that enraged your father. The Paramount had never been second to another being before and never expected to be with his bond mate.
"That's what he was so angry about?" Cali whispered.
"Yes, but none of us understood that at the time, and we all got hurt because of it. Caradoc, because Paul would always be my first love, just as I would be Paul's. Paul, because his wife, the one who had promised to love him and only him, began to have feelings for another male. And me, because Caradoc was able to give Paul something that I never could, making him into an even better male. While all that occurred, your dad and I were both struggling with the fact that we were no longer human."
"I… I never got that from your memories," Cali told her.
"Of course, you didn't because you only walked through a small part of them. It took time for us to find our way. Along with a great deal of compromise and acceptance, mostly from your father."
"You mean Dad," Cali corrected.
"No, I mean your father, Caradoc. He never planned to have multiple bond mates, but he realized I'd never be whole, after melding with me, without Paul. Can you even begin to understand how that had to have gutted a male like your father? To know that he would never be enough for the female he loved? And he does love me, Cali. Me and your dad."
"I just don't understand how you can love him the way he is."
"Are you saying you'd change who you are, just so some male loved you?"
"What? No. Of course not. That's not how love works." Cali saw her mom's satisfied look and sighed, realizing her mom had just made her point. "Alright, I get it, but this is the Paramount we're talking about."
"Who is still just a male, albeit a compelling one. A male who wants love for who he is in his heart and soul. Not for who his position demands he be. Just as you do, if you're still pretending to be only Earthan tells me anything."
"I…"
"You're more like your father than you want to admit, California Rose. Maybe that's why your aloofness has cut him so deeply."
"I… I just couldn't reconcile the parent I knew and loved with the male in your memories."
"Because you aren't supposed to." The smile her mother gave her absolved Cali of her guilt. "That male is my male. For you, he is the one who will always love and protect you, even when you reject him because you are his youngling, and Caradoc never gives up on someone he loves."
Chapter Nineteen
Cali absently twirled the wine in her glass as she stared out into the vast darkness of space, her mother's words tumbling around in her brain. Was she like her father, after all? She'd never wanted to believe that, but she also refused to lie to herself.
Her father was secretive. With maybe the exception of her mom and dad, no one knew the extent of his gifts.
She had secrets, too, that she entrusted to no one.
She also wanted to be loved for who she was, not what she was. That is why she always presented herself as a full Earthan, even though it meant giving up friendships when her life span 'ended.'
On the other hand, her father let very few get close, but then he had many millenniums on her. Maybe he'd just gotten tired of how much it hurt to say goodbye.
Gods, was she starting to understand her father and agree with him?
Maybe her mom was right.
Then there was their most significant similarity of all; infusing power into another without their permission.
"Cali?"
Turning, she found Xanto standing not far behind her.
"Is everything okay?"
"I'm not sure," she told him honestly.
"Your mother?"
"She's fine," she quickly reassured him. "We just had a long-overdue heart-to-heart that has me reevaluating some things."
"Anything I can help with?"
"Unfortunately, no. I have to work this out for myself."
"Alright, but if you change your mind, I'm always willing to listen. I am your friend, Cali."
"I know." Walking up to him, she stretched up on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Xanto."