Her Christmas Cowboy (The Wyoming Cowboy #5) - Jessica Clare Page 0,91
her, stroking her back.
“Yes, I am. You fixed my ceiling, and my roof, and my window, and my sink . . .” She hiccuped. “And my car! You did all kinds of things for me. You drove me for days. You bought me a coffee maker. And I let you do all of it because I’m a user. I’m the worst.”
“You’re not using me—”
“Yes, I am!”
He tried to follow her logic. “So, what—you let me fix up your house, and then to repay me you . . . slept with me?”
She gasped and slapped his shoulder. “No!”
“Then why do you think you’re using me?”
“Because I should be independent—”
“I think you’re mistaking independent for stubborn,” he muttered.
She smacked his shoulder again. “I’m serious!”
“I am, too.” Caleb held her closer, selfishly enjoying the feel of her in his arms, of her legs across his lap, the way she fit just perfectly against him. He wanted to bury his face against her neck and just breathe in her scent, breathe in her. Amy. The woman he loved, whose sadness was a palpable thing between them. “You never asked me to do any of those things, Amy. I did them because it didn’t feel right to me to see the problems and ignore them.”
“That’s just it,” Amy said miserably. “I didn’t ask you, but I didn’t have to. I just acted helpless and you swept in and I let you.”
“My side wasn’t completely innocent, either. I got something out of it, too, you know. I got to be around you. I actually took more time fixing things just so I could be around you, remember?” When she looked up at him, he gently touched her cheek, brushing away some of the tears. “There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or leaning on someone, baby. I helped you because I wanted you to have a sink that didn’t drip. Nothing more.”
Her eyes filled with fresh tears. “I didn’t want to use you, Caleb. I never wanted that.”
“You never have. I don’t know where you got it in your head that you did.”
She shook her head, sad.
“Just because I support you doesn’t mean that I’m being used. I help you because I like you, as a person. I help you because I’m a decent human, unlike that shithead Greg. I help you because I want to build you up, not tear you down or use it against you. That’s the difference.”
Amy gazed up at him with such sad, sad hope in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He took her hand in his, kissed the palm. “Even if you don’t want to be with me, I’m still going to look out for you. Not because I want to push you back into my arms, but because I love you and care about you. If you don’t want me right now, it hurts me to my soul, but I understand. You do what you have to do, baby. I’ll support you all the way.”
She flung her arms around his neck and squeezed, tight, her face against his neck. “You’re the best man ever.”
“No, I’m not. I’m a shy cowpoke who never spoke a lick to any woman until you came along. Being with you makes me better, though. I bet in another year or two, I’ll be able to say hello to the cashier at the grocery store.”
He liked that she let out a tiny giggle. Just a tiny one. It was a start. “What do you want?” he asked her.
“You,” she said softly. “I want you, Caleb.”
“I love you,” he told her again. “Nothing about that has changed. If you need time, I’ll give you time. But I’m still going to shovel your walkways because I don’t want you slipping and falling.”
Her lower lip quivered. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “I don’t care that it’s only been a few weeks. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
His heart soared. He brushed away more tears. “Then what do you want to do?”
She thought for a long moment, her fingers curling against his jacket. “I want you . . . and I don’t want us to break up.”
“Then we don’t break up.” Caleb wanted to shout with joy, but he somehow managed to keep his voice calm.
“But I don’t want to use you. I want to be independent.”
He nodded. “I am absolutely fine with that. Like I said, all you need to do is point the way and I’ll be right at your side.”