Helpless (Steel Demons MC #5) - Crystal Ash Page 0,8

how do we perceive you?" I asked.

The cat rolled onto her back, twisting her spine as she looked at me. I didn't hear laughter, but got the sense that she was amused.

You tell me, Freyja challenged.

I thought for a few moments. "Feminine," I began. "Nurturing, affectionate, independent."

Yes, go on. Say what's really on your mind.

I waffled over which adjectives to use. "Sensual. Loving."

Also sexual. The amusement bled through her voice. And fertile. I represent the sacredness that is femininity. Both a woman's gentleness and her fierce strength.

"That's why you were with Tessa," I realized. "You eased her pain and turned her baby while she was in labor."

I was always with her, Freyja said lightly. As I was always with you. Just not always in this form. The gods are the tether that bind humanity into one universal existence.

"So why are you here now?" I asked. "In a cat's body, with a voice? Why was I pulled to find you?"

Humanity is on the verge of breaking beyond repair, Freyja's voice turned solemn. It is not just your civilization that has collapsed, but your collective spirit. To turn against each other as you have, you destroy yourselves. And if humans fall, so shall gods.

Three

SHADOW

I left the house silently before Mariposa made it to the backyard, closing the door behind me without a sound.

Her bleeding was a lame excuse to stop the tattoo, but there was no way I could tell her the real reason. Not that I ever wanted to stop. I made the Rod of Asclepius as large as she would allow me on her arm. Once finished, it would be a great piece with lots of detail.

I couldn’t help but feel like a thief. Her smiles, her warmth, her time—none of it was meant for me. So I stole it. I wanted to steal every second she sat with me. The soft laughs and the glances, I collected every one and kept them tucked away in my memories like a dragon hoard. She may have thought she gave them to me willingly, but the fact remained that we were never meant to share anything between us.

She had three men who gave her everything she needed. I was never supposed to be the one who held her as she cried into my chest.

Hands shoved deep in my jeans pockets, I headed down the street toward the clubhouse while my fingers itched to wrap around a bottle and drink. When the urge came on strong like this, I knew the outcome would be one I’d regret. So I ignored the alluring thirst for numbness, bypassed the kitchen and headed for the stairwell.

It was the middle of the day, not anywhere close to sunset yet. But the first view of the sky from the roof eased the tight clamping in my chest just slightly. The air was cooler lately and I welcomed the chill on my skin.

I leaned over the balcony and allowed the breeze to blow my hair freely. No one could see me up here. It was one of the few places I didn’t have to hide.

Around her, I wanted to hide everything. Everything that was wrong with me, I wanted to bury and shove away. Being around her made me feel like all my faults were on display, out in the open to shame me. I made sure to keep my facial scar hidden, and to speak at appropriate times. I never cared about being normal before. Now I wished for nothing else.

But at the same time, she made me feel normal—despite my freakishness being painfully obvious to me. I felt like I could grow an extra head and she would just smile and ask me how my morning was.

Her warmth and kindness shined an ugly spotlight on how fucked up my upbringing was. The pain from a blade slicing my skin used to be the only physical contact I ever knew. After touching her during a tattoo or our few brief hugs, my skin felt like it was starving for more contact.

I’d never felt anything remotely like that before, like I needed to feel the touch of another person.

Violence and alcohol used to be my drugs of choice. I kicked them, but found a new addiction in Mariposa, and couldn’t begin to understand it.

Horus and the raven, Munin, circled each other in midair, diving and chasing each other. Watching them distracted me from my own thoughts, at least for the moment. Their aerial acrobatics must have done the trick,