Helpless (Steel Demons MC #5) - Crystal Ash Page 0,11
do with your compatibility, and the strength of your human hearts. However, Freyja walked across the couch to me, bumping my hand with her forehead, I sense some resistance in regards to a certain tattoo artist.
“Shadow?” His name burst out of me so loudly that I straightened up and looked around to make sure he was really gone.
The sexual attraction is palpable. Your care and affection toward each other is clear. You have clearance to take another lover. So what stops you? She lowered to her belly next to me, tucking her front paws in toward each other as she stared at me expectantly.
How to explain why I didn’t pursue a man who nearly drank himself to death to avoid nightmares? Who, when he did have nightmares, was uncontrollably violent to the point of needing to be locked in his room?
The answer seemed obvious when putting his most glaring flaws at the front and center of my mind. But I couldn’t ignore what the medic in me knew—those flaws were only symptoms, not the cause.
Even thinking of him purely as a patient, without feelings clouding my judgment, I knew kindness and compassion were the best measures to counteract the root cause of his issues. To be treated as a person and not something other. He just needed practice and exposure to forge new neural pathways in his brain—pathways that told him women were just people too. That we weren’t so different.
What Shadow didn’t need was me selfishly projecting my own desires onto him. Of course I was attracted to him on a deep, primal level, but as his medic, I was also responsible for his well-being. To pursue things physically or romantically, especially while he was healing and still learning social norms, would only be looking out for myself.
“I don’t want to scare him.” It seemed to be the easiest way to sum up my feelings to Freyja. “His trauma with women runs deep and I don’t want to trigger anything that could set him back.”
His ability to adapt is stronger than you give him credit for. The cat goddess almost sounded like she was chastising me. You don’t need to be a god to see that he doesn’t associate you with his painful past.
“I don’t even know if he likes me like that,” I said. “He’s easy to be around in just a normal context, but I have no idea what’s going on in his head.”
He doesn’t know how to express his desires, because these desires are not something he’s ever felt before.
My eyebrows lifted. “So he does like me?” I felt like a teenage girl gossiping with a friend.
Your presence soothes him. He finds comfort in you. He’s finding it easier to communicate in general, now that he’s realizing he won’t be punished simply for existing.
A twisting pain rolled through my chest. “What happened to him?”
The cat blinked slowly at me.
That man has wounds only love can heal.
I stepped out to Jandro’s front porch after that bizarre conversation, then turned to close the door behind me. Freyja acted completely normal, so nothing alerted me to the figure behind me until I felt arms wrap tightly around my waist and throat.
“Break my hold, baby girl.” Gunner’s warm breath tickled my ear.
“And slam you straight into this door?”
“Well, pretend to.”
I tapped the side of his knee with my boot, just hard enough for him to feel, then drove my elbow back toward his gut before surging my weight forward. He followed my momentum, catapulting over me until he slapped a palm against the door.
“Nice job!” His smile beamed through the hair in front of his face before he raked it back. “You’re getting faster, babe. Don’t forget, you can also swing a fist down to hit ‘em in the crotch. That might be more effective than the elbow.”
“I’ll try it next time,” I grinned coyly, running my hands up his shoulders. “Thanks for the warning,” I directed down at Freyja.
She stared back at me, then began licking a paw.
“Your kitty’s smart, she knows I gotta train you to react on your feet.” Gunner’s hands laced at my lower back.
“Mm-hm, I’m sure that’s what it is.” I gazed up at him, playing with the hair at his collar. “Where’s Horus?”
His sunshine-bright smile nearly split his face. “I’m glad you asked. He’s doing an errand for me.”
“An errand?”
“Let’s go to the pool.” He slid his grip from my waist to my hands, tugging me in the direction of the clubhouse.