The Heiress of Winterwood - By Sarah Ladd Page 0,86

cannot bear the thought of—”

As the footsteps passed directly overhead, Amelia stopped talking, and Jane looked up at the ceiling. “Sounds as if sleep is eluding someone else of our acquaintance.” She fetched her own cloak from the peg and joined Amelia at the fire. “I must say, I believe I have misjudged Captain Sterling.”

Amelia started at the abrupt change of conversation. “Why would you say that?”

“His behavior has been selfless. The manner in which he has handled this entire situation has impressed me.” Jane settled down next to Amelia, a mischievous smile on her lips. “He appears to be quite taken with you, my dear.”

Amelia tried the poker again. “We both care for Lucy, but you must not think there is anything else to the relationship between myself and Captain Sterling. We simply have an arrangement.”

“Oh, I am not so sure about that.”

“It is true that I have a very large fortune—or I will once I marry. No doubt the captain finds that attractive as well.”

“Most men would, yes. But I believe that the captain may need you as much as you need him. For reasons other than money.”

Amelia looked away from Jane to hide her quivering lip. “I do not need Captain Sterling. I need his name.”

Jane hesitated and reached for Amelia’s hand. “What is it, my dear, that frightens you so?”

Amelia pulled back her hand. She had no answer. Or rather, she had too many answers. Too many fears. She feared never having a family of her own. Needing someone and not being needed in return. Being taken advantage of because of her wealth. Loving intensely, only to have that person snatched away . . . again. Having to live her whole life as she had lived so many early years—with a broken, empty heart.

She couldn’t tell Jane all that. She could barely admit it to herself. So she said, “The only thing that frightens me is losing Lucy. I cannot lose another person I love, Jane.”

Jane’s nod was thoughtful. “Fear takes so many forms. I remember back when I was still a new wife—new in Darbury too. I was so lonely in those days. I’d only known Mr. Hammond a few weeks prior to our marriage, and our new parish was far from my family in Bristol. I was eager to become a mother, thinking a baby would help me be less lonely. I prayed daily for a child. Fervently, like Hannah in the Bible.”

Amelia pulled her cape closer around her. “But you never had children, did you?”

“No. And eventually I would come to terms with that. But in those early years, the fear that I would never have a child consumed me. I pulled away from Mr. Hammond and others who loved me. I could think of nothing but my own sorrow and my fear that my life would not turn out as I had imagined. It was a dark time, Amelia. I wasted so much of my youth wishing for things to be different, unable to accept the role God had given me to fulfill.”

“So how did you find peace with it?” Amelia’s voice did not sound like her own.

“When I finally was able to accept that God had a plan for my life, that his way is best, I began to see the world in a different light.” A smile transformed Jane’s face. “And then he gave me you. You became the daughter I never had. The Lord has blessed me in so many other ways as well. But I lost so many blessings while confined in the prison of my fear.”

Amelia stared into the fire as the full meaning of Jane’s words pressed upon her. Something within her recognized the truth in them. But a stubborn streak deep in her heart wouldn’t accept it.

Jane laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “There are seasons to every life, Amelia. God gives each of us a great capacity to love, if we will only open our minds to it. I am not a woman given to romantic flights of fancy, but even I can tell the captain has developed feelings for you. The way he fusses over you. The great lengths he is going to protect you—”

“He’s protecting Lucy.”

“No, Amelia, he is protecting you as well. You will have a very lonely life if you refuse to let others in because you are afraid.”

Those final words stung. Amelia pushed to her feet. She didn’t want Jane to see the tears gathering. Jane stood too