wrestling over a rubber bone. The faint squeaks of the toy and their delighted yaps were the only soundtrack to his monologue.
“Is this because of Nick?” I asked. “Are you running away now, too?”
“No. And yes,” Freddie said, looking down at his hands. “I don’t know. Obviously, I’m unhappy that we’ve fallen out. But I’m losing myself here, and I don’t know how to find my way back without making a big change.” Freddie plucked a strand of grass forcefully. “I got broken up with again yesterday. Another one bites the dust, eh? She didn’t see the point because she knew she’d never want to end up with me, not for real. No one throws over a career in bloody global nuclear disarmament to spend the rest of her life opening tiny curtains. She wasn’t wrong. None of these women were wrong. You weren’t wrong. I don’t bring anything to the table but a title.”
“And a lot of really explicit online fan fiction,” I said. Freddie didn’t smile. “I’m sorry. I was trying to cheer you up. You know I think you bring more than enough to the table for anyone, but this seems extreme. What did Richard say?”
“It was his idea, in part,” Freddie said. “I actually went to him for advice.”
“Damn, you were desperate.”
“I told you he’s not all bad,” Freddie insisted. “We really did develop something last year, whether you and Nick believe it or not. He understood me. He’s always had such a clear path, and I haven’t, and that’s always been my problem. I need something important to focus on that will help shape me into more than the Ginger Gigolo.” Freddie cracked his knuckles. “He suggested I get myself on one of the ships, but that didn’t feel like enough. So I floated this as an alternative.”
“I can’t believe he went for it,” I said.
“He didn’t, at first.” Freddie tapped his hand against his thigh. “I had to level with him. It was…specific. I apologize if any of that violates anything you consider your privacy, but…” He swallowed hard. “We got through last year with me doing a minimum of opening up, and that needed to change.”
“No, of course,” I said. “I’m just always surprised when Richard forgets he’s supposed to be an ogre. And I wish the answer wasn’t putting your life in danger.”
“I’ll be all right,” he said. “Father pulled some strings to get me into the selection program, but I earned my qualification, so I’m ready. It’s not like they’re going to let me take the lead on anything that requires finesse. And we both know that they have loads of protocols in place to yank me if things go really pear-shaped.” He leaned his head back. “Mostly what I need, I think, is to figure out how to grow up. I’ve been spending this entire year dating proper adults but I was still the same old me.”
“Please don’t change too much,” I said, nudging his calf with my foot. “A lot of us like you, just as you are. How long are you supposed to be gone?”
Freddie shrugged. “Father thinks I’ll be able to swing it for a couple of months. Everyone’s going to be distracted by your North American adventure, and then we can vamp until someone realizes I haven’t popped out to kiss a baby in a while,” he said. “The plan is for no one to know I’m gone until I’m back. And maybe then…maybe it will have been long enough for him. For both of us.”
We smiled at each other, a little sadly, as a light breeze ruffled the leaves above us. I reached out and took his hand, and we sat there in the peaceful quiet of the park until dusk fell.
CHAPTER FIVE
That was…was.…” Nick reared back his head and unleashed a loud sneeze. “Outstanding,” he finished.
“Gesundheit,” I said, taking a running leap and flopping onto the bed in our cabin. “Damn, your horse allergies won’t quit.”
“It’s worth it,” Nick said. He sniffled. “Who knew I was so good at picking winners in barrel racing?”
He collapsed next to me and crawled over to press a kiss against my clavicle. “We should have done this sooner,” he said. “No one told me how hot you’d look in a cowboy hat.”
“Yeah, I finally understand the upside of a long overseas tour,” I told him.
He sat up to face me. “The thrill of international travel?” he asked. “Meeting world leaders? Getting to sample all the local delicacies?”