Heft - By Liz Moore Page 0,120
felt—the Dales are coming over for dinner.
Then we came back and made lasagna, a recipe that Marty taught me that I’m now passing on to Yolanda. Once it was in the oven Yolanda and I both cleaned the house, & she gave me orders like “Go get a cloth from under your sink. Dust that shelf. Throw out those containers. Jesus.”
I think things look very nice now, especially since Yolanda ordered flowers from the Internet, & they came this morning. Lilies & roses & mums. She was the one who answered the door & she pretended like they were for her, saying to the deliveryman, “O this is so sweet! O I can’t believe it!”
After she shut the door she went into the kitchen & put them all in a vase & then put the vase in the middle of the dining room table. “See? Look how nice,” she said.
In a fit of sentimentality & self-pity, I asked her today if she would let me meet the baby after it was born and she asked if I was firing her. I took this as a very good sign. I told her that I liked the name Anna for a girl. I don’t think she does but she was polite about it anyway.
Then she went upstairs to her old room to lie down for a bit before the guests arrive. Including Kel Keller, who called me three days ago to tell me he would come. Hearing him speak to me was miraculous. He was tentative & shy. He was quieter than I’d imagined. He did not sound like his picture. I told him how sorry I was & he said thank you. We talked briefly about his mother & he revealed the nature of her last few years & of her death, which I had suspected, but it was very sad to hear it confirmed. He asked me only one question and I was able to answer it in a way that seemed to please him. When we hung up I went to take his picture off my shelf—I feared that he would think it strange for me to have—but then I changed my mind. Charlene sent it for a reason.
I have had several bouts of nervousness thinking about his first sight of me. I wish I could be obscured by something when he first sees me, hiding behind a plant or a sofa. I wish I could be shadowed by something larger than I am. But I can’t be, so instead I will throw open both doors as wide as I can, and I will stand there in full sight of him, and I will welcome him into my home.
For an hour, while Yolanda was napping, I sat in my chair, looking around this room, pondering the life of Charlene Keller since I had last seen her, & how it could have been different—how my life too could have been different. Both of us stuck in our homes, curled into ourselves in loneliness. Both of us alone. It could have been different, I thought. Quite different. I did not linger there.
•
Instead I walked to my front door & opened it. I peered out into the world. The street was quiet & nothing moved. I opened the glass outer door & walked out onto the stoop. A car rolled by, looking for parking, & for a moment I grew nervous & excited but it was not the boy. I stood very still then & put my arms about myself.
O what will happen now, I asked. But I was alone, and I found I could not answer.
HEFT
Liz Moore
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why do you think Arthur has isolated himself? What kind of connection does he want, and does he find it?
2. Is it possible for the characters of Heft to free themselves from the behaviors, the characteristics, and even the physical objects (a house, for instance) they inherit from their parents?
3. Several of the main characters in Heft are outsiders. How does one’s inability to “belong” shape his or her character in the long term? Did the novel reinforce boundaries between different groups? Who appear to be the outsiders in the book?
4. From Charlene to Yolanda to Marty to his neighbor’s wife, Suzanne, Arthur seems more comfortable in the company of women. Why do you think that is? What do you make of these platonic relationships?
5. Why do you think Charlene kept the identity of Kel’s father a secret, even when she knew she