Heavy Secrets - Elle Aycart Page 0,25
say. “You’ll regret staying.”
“I can take you on. I’m not scared of you.”
“You don’t want what I have to offer.”
Her laugh was harsh. “Really? Because this is what you’ve been offering me these past few days. And you made me come hard enough.”
“You can’t manage me with sex. It will backfire.”
“You’re so afraid of intimacy,” she said, ignoring him, her eyes angry and sad at the same time. “You’re the hardest man I ever met and the most vulnerable too.”
“Me? You’re the one whose face I have to hold in front of a mirror to get you to look at yourself. The one I have to slap to accept compliments.”
“Not that kind of intimacy, you dork. I’ve had some issues with body image and my self-esteem was shaky, but I’m coming to terms with it. I’m getting better.”
Yes, she was. She was standing in front of him, totally naked, her hands on her hips, flaunting attitude at him. Calling him out on his shit.
“So? What are you waiting for? You have lots of frustration to work through,” she continued, lifting her chin defiantly. “I can see the erection tenting your boxers. Let’s get down to business. Or do you need me from behind? We’ll be short in the toy department here, but there ought to be chains somewhere nearby if you need those too, God forbid I’d touch you or that you would let me comfort you in any other manner than offering you pussy.”
“Christy, damn it.” He didn’t like listening to her talk this way.
“What? We’re reducing everything to sex, remember? This is what it looks like. I may not be very wet yet, but you can get me there fast. Or if not, you can always spit on your hand for extra lube. Anything, as long as it gets us fucking and not talking.”
Cole hit the wall, so damn hard he left a hole.
Christy flinched a bit at his burst of violence but stood her ground. Her body was trembling, from excitement or from anger, it wasn’t clear. Maybe it was fear. God knew he was scaring himself. Either way, she was not backing down. He could tell she would go through with this.
Cole took a step back. He couldn’t be with her. Not like this.
Christy read him perfectly. She took a step forward, looking him in the eye.
“You can pull away. Build walls around you. Kill yourself in the gym. Try to reduce us to sex. Restrain me, gag me, and fuck me as much as you want. As hard as you want. It will change nothing. Nothing, you hear? The issue won’t go away. Whenever you want to talk, you know where to find me.”
And she grabbed her clothes and, with her head high, walked away.
* * * *
Christy woke up to find Cole sitting on the chair near the window in their bedroom, elbows propped on his knees, his hands on his nape.
At the sound of the sheets rustling, he lifted his head, and she saw the pain in his eyes. It pierced her heart. All the anger she’d accumulated in the last hours before going to bed dissipated.
She got up and went to him. Before she reached him, he started talking.
“I love you, Christy. You know, right? I don’t say it often enough, especially lately, but I do. I love you more than anything in the world. I want you to know that this, being with you, it’s the best it’s ever been for me. You are the most important person in my life, and I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. This was never about sex, baby.”
“I know, love.” Of course she knew.
He grabbed her by her waist and buried his face on her stomach while she petted his hair.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m such an ass sometimes. Please forgive me. I’ve been building up walls for so long, it comes naturally to me. You were right about everything you accused me of, but I do trust you. I swear I do. More than I trust myself.”
She hugged him, feeling the tremors racking his body, and her heart went out to him.
“I found out ten days ago about Rachel’s locker, and it’s been eating at me since then. I haven’t said anything to James or Max.”
Oh, God. She tightened her embrace. “You kept it all bottled up inside? You didn’t talk to anybody about it?” Such a burden for one single person to bear alone.
He shook his head and shrugged,