Hearts the Last Beat (Angel Fire #6) - Ellie Masters Page 0,67
too soft of a word for what’s going on in your head. What’s the real problem? This isn’t about Spike.”
“I wish I knew.” And that’s what bothers me the most. Spike has been wonderful. He is wonderful. There is zero reason for me to worry about him. “Why am I obsessing?”
“It’s okay to have doubts,” Mitzy says, trying to soothe me. “The stronger your feelings are, the stronger those doubts will be, but you gotta dig deep and get to the root of the problem. He’s given you no reason to worry. Right?”
“Right.”
“And you said, that he said, that he hasn’t been with another woman since you came to live here. Right?”
“Right.”
“So, what does that tell you?”
“I don’t know.”
“It should tell you that he’s head over heels in love with you.” She rolls her eyes like I’m an idiot. “He has been since the moment he laid eyes on you. If he wasn’t, there’s no reason he wouldn’t have been out there playing the field. These men were certified man-whores back in the day. They definitely took advantage of the perks fame brought them.”
“I suppose.”
“So, what is it?” She looks at me expectantly.
“I wish I knew.”
“As far as Spike goes, I may, or may not, have an idea what he’s doing, but not where. At least this time, but I can say with absolute certainty, that you don’t have anything to worry about.”
“Then why can’t you tell me?”
“Because I snooped where I shouldn’t. It’s a bad habit of mine, and it’s something he’s gone to great lengths to keep private. I can’t, in good conscience, step over that line. He doesn’t even know I know, so there’s no way I can tell you.”
“I get that, but I really wish you would.”
She laughs at that. “Girl, at least you know your secrets will die with me.”
“Yeah, I’m really thankful for that, by the way.”
“We all need that one special friend who will keep our secrets for us. Now, about your issue…”
“What about it? You suddenly have any great insight?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Well, hit me.”
“Do you think your thing with Spike has anything to do with abandonment issues?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you have issues with men.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You sure about that?” She gives me the side-eyes and waits for me to fill in the gap. The only thing is I don’t know where that gap might be.
“Pretty sure.”
“Okay, listen for a second and tell me what you think.”
“Fine.” And I realize how that sounds, but Mitzy doesn’t take offense to the brush off.
“Your mother, as wonderful as she was, denied you a father figure. Worse than that, she told you that he abandoned you. No need to go into the truths behind that, but you grew up having no faith in men. To your developing brain, men left. It’s what they did. And as the daughter to your mother, you had her side in the great fight against all mankind.”
She gives me a long look. “Do you think maybe some of that is what you feel about Spike? Like he’s destined to leave you? Do you think it has anything to do with the reason you and Bash fight so much? You’re just waiting for him to abandon you and prove you’re right about how things work in the world?”
“Damn, you don’t hold anything back.”
“That’s not what friends do. And that’s what I hope I am to you. I will celebrate your success and call out your faults. Through it all, I’ll love you. But as far as Spike goes, he left, but he didn’t leave you. This is a thing he does. It’s something he’s passionate about. Everyone knows that every now and then Spike disappears. It’s what he does. And he always comes back. And he never skips out on his commitments. He did this before you came into the picture, and he’ll most likely continue to do so in the future. It’s something he’s kept close to his chest for a reason. You should focus on that instead of why he didn’t tell you. Does that make sense?”
“Give me a second.” I try to parse through what she says. Honestly, Mitzy’s comments kind of piss me off, but as I repeat her words in my head, she’s not wrong.
“I see the gears in your head churning.” Mitzy gives a self-satisfied smirk.
“I’m thinking.”
“Go ahead, we’ve got all day.” She snaps her magazine open and turns to whatever article grabs her attention.