Hearts the Last Beat (Angel Fire #6) - Ellie Masters Page 0,52

cliffs.

As much as Bash annoys me, his concern over my well-being is appreciated. Not that I’ll ever admit that to him.

“I love the stimulation of your hand,” Spike says. “It drives me wild, but go too far and…”

“I get it.” I lean back and glance out the window.

To the left, California’s coastal hills undulate toward the horizon, where they will eventually buckle and rise to become the formidable Rocky Mountains. To our left, the cliffs drop a hundred feet onto the rocky coastline and certain death. The ocean continues on toward the horizon from there, calm on the surface, mysterious underneath.

Caution is our friend.

As metaphors go, there is none more formidable than that one.

“Give it ten minutes. Ten minutes and we’ll be at a place that’s ours for the day.” Spike urges caution.

It’s something I should heed, but the truth is, I’m invested. I’m one-hundred percent, totally, invested in him. There’s no way to express how much he means to me. I’d call it a schoolgirl crush, but there’s more lingering beneath the surface.

He’s my rock, the stability I seek. My anchor, he’s the one who keeps me grounded. In the desperate lows following my mother’s death, he’s what got me up in the morning to face the next day. Even when I thought he couldn’t care less, I struggled to rise on the off chance I would run across him sometime during my day.

I’m the rope. He’s my anchor. But somewhere, in all of that, he’s also what sets me free. I know it makes no sense, but isn’t that what love is about? There’s freedom in letting go.

“Just the day?” I want eternity.

“Well, I had to rent it for the night, but a sleepover on our very first time out together might raise a few eyebrows.” I feel his discouragement. Like him, I’m ready for us to begin, but we’re trapped.

Trapped within the expectations of the family that surrounds us. The family that loves us. The family we desperately want to be a part of. Running away doesn’t solve anything. If anything, it creates more problems than it solves.

The last thing I want is to come between Spike and the band. I won’t be that girl; the woman who destroyed everything.

Talk about having a weight on my shoulders. The agony of it all wears me down. Us together sounds wonderful. Us, not together, feels like the seventh circle of hell.

I’m terrified of losing him, but if I’m the reason Angel Fire falls apart, I’ll be the first person running out that door. There’s selfish, and then there’s stupid. I may be young, but I’m not blind, or dumb. There’s more at risk than a silly girl’s fantasies.

I lean back in a huff. “Why can’t we just be together?”

“We can, and we will, but it’s going to take time.”

“It’s not fair.” I release him and cross my arms over my chest in a pout.

“The only thing that’s not fair is how much I ache for you. It’s unbearable.”

“I ache for you too.” I reach over and sweep my fingers down his sculpted bicep. “You’re all I ever think about.”

“When I look at you, my thoughts tumble. After all these years, all those women, why are you the one who makes my heart ache?” He reaches for me and kisses the back of my hand. “My past will never go away. It’s a lingering shadow that will always haunt us, but I never want you to feel less because of it. If I could, I’d erase it.”

“I don’t want you to do that.”

“Why not? It’s complicated and ugly…”

“And brought us together. I know who you are, or were; either by reading about it in the tabloids, or piecing it together. You’re right. It’s out there. A ghost of your past, but I’m not interested in your past. I want to be your future.” I grip his arm. “But Spike…”

“Yes?”

“I can’t be one of many. I need to be the one. If that makes me selfish, or foolish, you need to tell me now. If you can’t commit to me—please let me go.” I hate the way my voice shakes. I hate the way my body trembles. Never in my life have I been this transparent. This kind of openness is for the birds. It’s hard. It’s painful. It’s raw and overwhelming. I quake in my seat, needing him to reassure me and convince me I’m not crazy.

His smile softens, and the features of his face relax. “You’re the first thing