Hearts Entwined (Victorian Love #3) - M.A. Nichols Page 0,61
her cheeks pinked in response.
Oliver shifted in his seat and attempted to speak lightly. “Surely it is better without my interference. I fear my clomping steps frightened away most of your intended subjects.”
Miss Sophie’s gaze fell to the grass, her fingers fiddling with the blades, and Oliver fought to keep from itching his arms at the guilt skittering along his skin. Four days. Four wasted mornings spent staring out his bedchamber window, knowing exactly where he wanted to be but couldn’t. Interminable hours as he waited for the time to tick by. No matter how strong his convictions, his heart would not let Miss Sophie go.
“I do get more done alone, but it is more enjoyable with you there,” said Miss Sophie, raising her eyes to meet his.
They were the blue of a clear afternoon sky and shone with that sweet heart that beat in her chest. His stomach shifted uneasily at the thought that he’d ever believed her to be anything but the honest creature she was. She was not her mother.
Yet her gaze did hold an invitation. A question. A hope. They held the same sentiments Oliver felt thumping in his chest as his heart reached out for hers, begging him to cast aside reason and take Miss Sophie as his own.
And Oliver straightened as he realized the horrid truth. He had toyed with her affections.
His mother and Lily were prone to blazing red cheeks, but Oliver rarely blushed. Yet now, he felt his face heating as his conscience called forth all the condemnation he deserved. Despite the warmth of the summer day, a chill swept through him, making his heart shiver as he realized that he’d behaved like a cad. He was not free to feel anything towards Miss Sophie other than the friendship he had offered her, and seeking her out so constantly gave rise to hopes doomed to be crushed.
Never was there a greater fool than Oliver Kingsley. There were reasons why men and women did not pursue friendships, and the evidence was slapping him in the face now.
He sucked in a breath and spoke before he could think better of it. “I need to apologize, Miss Sophie, for I have acted rashly, and it is clear to me that it isn’t appropriate for me to seek out your company in private as I have. I hope you will forgive me.”
Miss Sophie flinched, a flash of pain lighting her eyes, though she tried to hide it behind an impassive expression. But even without any outward signs, Oliver felt her heartache and knew it was his doing.
“There is nothing to forgive,” she murmured.
“There is…” But words failed him as Oliver struggled to know what to say. What could he say? He ought to leave it all unsaid, but Miss Sophie deserved some explanation. Simply disappearing from her life was cowardly, and she deserved better.
Dropping his voice to a whisper, he added, “I know I raised your expectations.” Oliver paused and cringed at that. “I raised both our expectations, and it was cruel of me to do so.”
Sucking in a deep breath, he met her gaze again. “I am not free, Miss Sophie. No matter how I may wish it different. I cannot turn my back on Miss Caswell or my family.”
The breath in her lungs stilled as her eyes filled with sparkling tears. Drawing in her lips, she bit on them and nodded. Clearing her throat, she gave a tight smile and spoke in a strained but conversational tone.
“My sister Amy wrote today to ask me to stay awhile with her,” she said with a brittle brightness. “As diverting as my trip to Bristow has been, she requires my assistance, and I fear I cannot wait until the house party is finished.”
Rising to his feet, Oliver gave her a low bow. “Then I wish you godspeed. I…”
But his voice broke over the words he wished to say. The things he ought not to speak. It did no good to tell her just how much he longed for the world to be different. How he wished there were no impediments between them. To speak such words now would only cause her more pain, so he swallowed them and allowed those unspoken declarations to fester inside.
What good did it do to tell her he felt like sitting beside her for the rest of his life? This was the end of it. He would not allow his actions to cause more harm.