Heartless - Jade West Page 0,31

. . . and then I was hoping to get fucked by Lucian Morelli before he killed me. As it turns out, he didn’t do either, just wound me up with his gropes and kisses. I guess I was just too pitiful a specimen for him to enjoy destroying.

I shrugged. “Yeah, it was good, thanks. Just took some time out.”

Three blank expressions looked across at me, paper smiles not even cutting it.

I summoned up a smile of my own and poked the conversation back to some regular numb chatter.

“Tell me about Amy-Ann’s Hemmings Vintage gown, then.”

Grace leaped up and into it, sliding her hands down her ribs as she bleated on about teal satin and diamonds. Same old crap.

I knew Harriet’s eyes were on me as I played with my coffee mug. I could feel them.

I loved Harriet Roosevelt. Not just because she’d been my closest cousin for forever, but because she was a really sweet soul and I wished I could learn something from her. She was on the straight and narrow with everything she ever did, and it wasn’t because the Constantines were dictators who demanded we all did what we were told – it was because that’s who she was as a person.

She didn’t fill her calendar with hundreds of different charity events because it looked good in the tabloids. She did it because she wanted to be there with her heart of gold.

Maybe we had more in common than I’d ever let myself believe, but my heart wasn’t gold like hers. Mine was tattered, dead.

Secrets. More secrets.

I’d have paired her up as besties with downtown Jemma if I thought they’d be able to spend any time together under the Constantine umbrella, but my mother would have blown a fuse to even catch sight of Jemma on Bishop’s Landing turf with her moral crusading and dreadlocks in her hair.

No matter how much I branded myself as pathetic, there was nothing any more pathetic than this facade of brilliance we pasted over the true corruption and brutality of Constantine life. At least the Morellis weren’t trying to be so glossy over their grime.

We were as highly trussed up in it as they were. Underhanded dealings and corruption. Bribing politicians and twisting their laws. And the rest of it . . . even lower. So low it would’ve kept me awake at night if I hadn’t been too wasted to stay conscious.

I barely noticed the girls checking their watches and preparing to leave. I must’ve been half dazed for the rest of our catch up. We did air kisses, same as usual, and I didn’t even bother downing the rest of my coffee before I gathered my coat up, ready to go.

I was at the front doorway when Harriet grabbed my arm. I leaped out of my skin, eyes opening wide on hers on instinct as she pulled her usual confused face, trying to make sense of just what the hell was going on with me.

“Come for a walk around the grounds?” she asked, and the flare up in my stomach was a fresh quest for cocaine, but I managed to contain myself enough to resist snorting a line at the Regent Club on a Monday lunchtime.

“Sure, yeah.”

She linked her arm through mine as we walked, waving the others away with the chauffeurs. I didn’t know where to begin with speaking, so I didn’t bother, just stared numbly ahead with the paces.

“Seriously, Laine,” she whispered. “What’s happening with you? Please tell me.”

“The usual,” I said back. “I don’t know why you bother asking.”

I wasn’t expecting her to grab my shoulders and twist me towards her. I wasn’t expecting the sheer hurt and fear in her eyes as they met with mine.

“Don’t do this,” she said. “Don’t shut me out like this. When have you ever shut me out like this?”

Plenty of times, but I couldn’t say that. I could never say that to anyone.

In her mind we were kids kicking our legs out under the tree house in the grounds of her mansion, talking about life and boys. Until we weren’t. Until we were talking about Constantine customs and business and trying to make our way in this crazy world.

I used to hold her tight when she got scared, even though I was festering with fear myself under the surface. I’d pick her up when she fell down and promise her it would always be fine.

I’d loved her, and she’d loved me. Until she didn’t know me anymore, not