Heartbreaker - Julie Kriss Page 0,53
fear crawling up my spine. I wanted to pretend I’d never met Holden again, that I’d never fallen for him. I wanted to pretend the whole thing had never happened, and I wanted to do that instead of facing the reality: that I was in deep, that I was in love with him, and that I had to talk to him.
It was all too scary. Because what if I talked to him and he said he really was dating Helen? Because he didn’t love me back?
“What do I do?” I asked Graham.
He leaned an elbow on his desk. His cell phone was buzzing, but he was definitely ignoring it. He looked like he was even enjoying this a little. “You need to hear this guy out,” he said. “He doesn’t seem like an asshole. That picture could be anything. It doesn’t mean he’s fucking her.” I winced at that, but again he didn’t seem to notice. “If you just disappear on him without warning, you aren’t fixing anything. You aren’t making it better for yourself. You’re just making it worse. But talking to him isn’t the first thing you need to do.”
“Then what?” I asked. “Drink wine? Watch The Office reruns?”
“Maybe.” I got the feeling Graham had never watched The Office in his life. “You have to do whatever it takes to face your fear. That’s the first thing you have to do. If you don’t do that, you can’t do the rest of it.”
I stared at him. He was right.
Holden was Holden. He’d either cheated on me, or he hadn’t; there was nothing I could do to change that. There was nothing I could do to change him. The only person I could change was myself.
I wanted Holden. I wanted us. But there couldn’t be an us if I flew off the handle all the time, if I was still afraid not just because of what had happened all those years ago, but because of the rejections I’d had all my life.
The fear wasn’t coming from Holden. It was coming from me.
“Graham,” I said.
“Yes?”
“I’m giving my two weeks’ notice.” When his eyebrows rose, I said, “I quit.”
“I see,” he said.
“I can’t work here,” I said. “I mean, you have a really great company. But I can’t work here. I can’t work for Helen anymore. I’m sure she’s great at her job, or something, but I can’t. And I can’t order office supplies for the rest of my life. I can’t do it for one more day, actually. So I’ve changed my mind, and I’m not giving my two weeks’ notice. I’m quitting right now.”
Graham leaned back and steepled his fingers again. “Go on.”
His expression was blank, unreadable. He was one of the richest, most successful—and best-looking—men in New York. I should have been terrified right now. The Mina from a month ago definitely would have been terrified. But I wasn’t. I just felt light-headed, like I could float away.
“I love Holden,” I said. “I want to make it work. And if I can, then I will. But you’re right. I need to make changes first, and I’m starting with my job, right now.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
He was quiet, still watching me with his terrifying gaze.
“Say something,” I said.
So he said, “That was ballsy. I knew there was a reason Soraya liked you.”
My jaw dropped. “She talked to you about me?”
“She talks to me about everything, so yes. She said you’d rather be in theater. I don’t know what the hell you’re doing ordering my office supplies. So I accept your resignation, and I’m giving you six weeks’ pay to go do something with your life. Now get out of my office.”
I was speechless. “Graham…”
“If you tell anyone, I will say you’re lying. Now, like I said, get out. I have work to do.”
I stood up and walked to the door. At the last minute I turned back. “Graham?”
He had already moved on to something else. He looked up from the piece of paper in front of him. “What?”
“You really aren’t going to ask my name, are you?”
Graham shook his head. “You have a lot to learn, Mina Maple. Now get the hell out of here.”
I walked back to my desk and gathered my things. As I walked down the hall for the last time, Helen came out of her cubicle behind me. “Hey,” she said. “Where are you going? We have work to do.”
I paused. There were so many things I could say—petty things. Mean things, maybe. Part