Heartache and Hope (Heartache Duet #1) - Jay McLean Page 0,98

of the line. It’s Trevor. “Stop fucking calling, Connor. You’ve done enough.”

I stare down at my phone once he’s hung up, anger and fear and disappointment hitting me in waves. Then I notice the voicemail icon and hope spikes in my heart. Maybe she’s tried calling at the same time I have, and maybe Trevor’s taken her phone because he’s angrier at me than she is…

I hit play on the voicemail, listen to the intro timestamped 2:27 am. “Hey, Connor. It’s me… It’s umm… it’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m at your window but… but I don’t think you’re home and I’m not really sure where you are... I just… I wanted to say sorry about my message. I watched the entire tournament and then with five minutes left in the final, my mom... she broke our TV… deliberately, and God, Connor, I got so angry with her. I yelled at her like I’ve never done before. And I… I’m just having a really shitty time at the moment. And I know that you are, too, and that’s more important right now, so I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you like you’ve always been there for me, and I know that you’re probably sick of hearing me apologize but… I don’t know. I just thought… I thought maybe we could spend the night together, or at least a couple of hours. Because um… because I love you, Connor. I just love you… so much.”

I throw my phone across the room, watch it fracture. And just like Ava before me, I break. As if I’ve reached my boiling point and the pressure’s too much, and I explode. Erupt. Detonate. “Fuck!” I shout. My fist flies, goes through the drywall. Again, and again. And then my dad appears, his eyes wide, and I fall to the floor, my head in my hands. “Jesus Christ, Connor,” he whispers, dropping to his knees in front of me. He grasps my hand in his, shifting the blood pooling at my knuckles. “What the hell are you thinking?” He inspects my hand closer, his eyes wide when he looks up at me. “This is your shooting hand.”

Chapter 49

Connor

I don’t see Ava at school the next day, not that I expected to. But I see her the day after, in psych, walking through the door. I sit higher in my seat and hide my bandaged hand under the table. I need to talk to her, to apologize. I’ve planned out everything I want to say. I need to tell her how sorry I am for the way I’d been acting, that it was never about her, and that it was all on me. That the pressure became too much, and I took it out on her. And I need to tell her that I love her, that I never stopped loving her, not even for a second.

But she doesn’t look at me when she walks in. Instead, she goes to Karen, her mouth moving, but I’m too far away to hear what she’s saying. Karen turns to me, her eyes sad, and then back to Ava. She nods, stands, and gives Ava her seat.

My heart sinks, and I look down at the table as Karen settles in beside me. “I’m sorry, Connor,” she whispers. “I couldn’t say no to her.”

The day is a blur, and I can’t focus on anything. Not even basketball. After-school practice is a shitshow, and my injured hand only elevates my piss-poor performance. “It looks like it’s healing well,” one of the trainers says, inspecting my hand after practice.

“My dad’s a paramedic,” I mumble. “He made sure it was taken care of. Trust me, no one wants it to heal as fast as he does.”

“Where the hell is my deodorant?” Oscar says from behind me. He’s opening and closing lockers, searching.

“Just use mine,” Rhys offers.

“I have sensitive skin, bruh.”

“Check your car,” says Rhys.

Oscar sings, “You’re not just a pretty face, co-cap.”

I watch the trainer wrap my hand again. “Your dad think it’ll be good to go by the invitational?”

I nod. “It’s just a minor sprain. No fractures.”

“Good. Want to tell me how it happened?”

“Not really.”

“Connor,” Oscar says, his hand on my shoulder. “Your girl’s out in the parking lot.”

My brow lifts when I look up at him.

He shrugs. “She ain’t waitin’ on me.”

Ava pushes off my car when she sees me approaching, her arms going around her waist. A few spots over, Trevor’s in his truck, his eyes on me. Heavy-hearted, I motion toward him. “You bring a bodyguard?”

Ava’s looking down at the ground when my gaze moves back to her. “He’s just waiting to give me a ride home.” Then she notices my hand, and hers reaches across, taking my wrist in her grasp. “What happened?”

I lower my hand so my fingers graze hers, taking hold of them. I say, my voice weak, “A wall came at me. I had to protect myself.”

She looks up now, her eyes clouded. I squeeze the ends of her fingers, and it’s as if she just realized I was holding on to her. She yanks out of my hold, hiding her hands in the pockets of her blazer. My throat closes in, my stomach twisting. Through narrow airways, I let out a breath and say, “I was hoping I’d get a chance to talk to you. There’s a lot I need to say.”

“Me too,” she rushes out. “And I need to go first so that I don’t…” she trails off, and I nod, my eyes on hers, my entire everything drawn to her.

She glances at Trevor, as if needing the courage, then back at me. “When we first started this, I warned you that nothing good can come of it. That there’d be no happy ending to our story…”

“Don’t, Ava,” I plead. “You’re talking as if it’s over.”

“It is over, Connor.”

I laugh once, incredulous, and look past her. “So I make one mistake, and that’s it? You’re done?”

“You didn’t make any mistakes,” she sighs out. “But we never should’ve started anything to begin with. We were so selfish to think that it would work.” She pauses a beat, her voice dropping when she adds, “I wasn’t made for this.”

“For what? To be with me?”

“No.” She takes a step toward me. Just one. But keeps her eyes downcast. “I wasn’t made with the strength to do it all. Taking care of my mom is as much as I can do, and even then, I’m already spread so thin. You told me the other day that you were at your limit, and I think I passed that point a long time ago, Connor. I can’t be trying to take care of her and trying to be focused on you and being insecure about us all at the same time.”

I kick off my car, take one step forward and retake her hand. “You don’t have to be insecure about us,” I plead. “Nothing happened with Karen. I swear it, Ava.”

Her eyes lift, lock on mine. “Then why did you lie?”

“About what?” I ask, even though I already know. So does my heart, because it’s trembling in my ribcage.

“You’re the only one who left with her. And you weren’t home at midnight, Connor, because I was banging on your window—” Her voice wavers and she clears her throat. “If nothing happened,” she says, tears welling in her eyes, “then why lie to me?”

I shake my head, sniff back the burn behind my nose, and look down at the ground, shame forcing my shoulders to drop. “Because I didn’t want you to worry,” I admit. “Clearly, I had my priorities wrong.” I swallow the knot in my throat and peer up at her again. “But this isn’t your reason is it, Ava? It’s your excuse.”

Her sob has me looking up, watching her wipe at her eyes frantically. “It’s too hard,” she cries out, her entire presence shrinking with defeat. “I can’t…” The weight of her cries halts her words, and I exhale, wait for her to finish. “I can’t be the person I want to be when I’m with you. I can’t forget that… that my mom needs me more than I need you. And I did that. For one split second, I forgot. Because I love you, Connor. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you…” She falls into me, her arms going around me, holding tight. “But I can’t be with you.”

I take in her words, breathe them into me. “You were my end game,” I whisper, knowing she can’t hear me through her cries. I wipe the wetness off my cheeks against her hair and clutch her head to my chest, her ear to my life source.

She quiets her sobs.

Waiting.

Listening.

But she won’t find what she’s searching for.

Because: “There’s no magic in a broken heart, Ava.”

To be continued…