Heartache and Hope (Heartache Duet #1) - Jay McLean Page 0,75

rising, falling. “Mmm,” he murmurs, then swallows. “Well, that sucked.”

I laugh into his neck. “It was horrible.”

“The worst.”

Connor lies on his back post-bliss cleanup, stroking the loose strands of my hair while I listen to his heartbeat thump against my cheek. He asks, “Did you and Trevor have a hard time getting along at the beginning?”

“We still have a hard time,” I joke.

He chuckles.

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know,” he says through a sigh. “Every now and then I get this random thought in my head that my mom’s out there, you know? And she has this new family… and that new family is everything she ever wanted. Everything I wasn’t.” His voice cracks, and I lean up on my elbow so I can look down at him, at his distant eyes and the slight frown pulling on his lips.

I run my mouth along his, but I don’t kiss him. “I hope one day you wake up and realize that the mistakes she made are her burdens, not yours. I hope that you’ll eventually understand that what she did isn’t a reflection of you—of your three-year-old self.” I’m getting worked up, so I try to take a calming breath, but I fail. “And if she is out there, I hope that one day she’ll find you, and she’ll see the same man I do. The strong, empathetic, courageous, protective man who cares so much about so many things, who wears other people’s pain as if it were his… I hope she sees you and she fucking hates herself for not being the one to raise you, to guide you into becoming that person.” My nostrils flare with my exhale. “I hope she hates herself as much as I hate her.” I grind out the last few words, my anger getting the best of me. I sob. I don’t mean to, but I do, and as promised, Connor wipes the tears away, his heavy sigh hitting my cheeks.

“It’s okay, Ava.”

“It’s not,” I cry out. “It’s not okay, Connor. How dare she… how dare she leave you like that—to fucking die—and leave you with these questions and these… these doubts about yourself! God, I hate her so much!”

He leans up a little, lifts his hand to my jaw, his eyes taking me in for a long moment. Then he says, “Do you know the name of that movie with Omar Epps? It’s like this guy and girl who live next door to each other, and they’re both trying to pursue basketball careers...”

“Love and Basketball?” I ask.

He smiles, settles his head back down. “That’s pretty much what my life is at the moment.” I try to hide my stupid grin on his neck while he brings me closer, my heart racing, flying. Kissing my forehead, he murmurs, “Love and basketball.”

We hold on to each other for the rest of the afternoon, talking about everything but tomorrow. We fight, we float, we laugh, and we fall. God, do we fall. Deeper and deeper into these reckless emotions.

Chapter 40

Ava

The moment Connor pulls up in front of our houses, my heart begins to sink. I know it’s not reasonable to feel this way, to fear the idea of missing someone so achingly even though it’s just one night.

Connor sighs, his head rolling to face me. “I wish today lasted forever,” he murmurs.

I take his hand, kiss the inside of his wrist. “Me, too.”

A short, sharp whistle has both of us looking up. Trevor’s fists are balled, his shoulders squared as he comes down the porch steps. Only they’re not my steps… they’re Connor’s.

Connor’s dad sits on the couch opposite us while Trevor paces the living room, back and forth, back and forth, and I wish he’d stop because it’s not that big of a deal. “What the hell were you thinking?” Trevor all but shouts. “Ava, I’ve been calling you nonstop. Where the hell is your phone?”

I try to remember… I’d left it in the car. All day. My pulse spikes. “Oh, my God, is Mom—”

“She’s fine, Ava, but that’s not the point! Do you know how worried I was? Do you know how many times I tried calling you? And you think you can just cut school for no reason? Do you know how expensive that school is? How hard I work to—”

“I’m sorry!” I cry out, tears welling. “I won’t do it again.”

“Sorry’s not really good enough—”

“What do you want me to say?”

“It’s my fault,” Connor speaks up. “She fell asleep on the way